Girl #1, sniffing: Do you smell maple syrup?
Girl #2: You mean that urine stench?
Girl #1: Oh, I guess that’s it.
–A train, 96th St
Girl #1, sniffing: Do you smell maple syrup?
Girl #2: You mean that urine stench?
Girl #1: Oh, I guess that’s it.
–A train, 96th St
Basketball thug: Yo, my mama’s breasts smell like rusty pickles!
–Columbus Park, by City Hall
Overheard by:
Man: Dude, smell my cellphone…
–Broadway, Astoria
Fat tourist: I smell like a slave ship.
–Restaurant, Mulberry & Broome
Chick on cell: That is true, however, it is definitely not my fault your apartment smells like an ass crack.
–48th & 5th
Overheard by: Laurie
Fat black lady to son: Where is the train? I smell it, but where is it?
–Fulton & Pearl
Overheard by: Justin
Nerdy 35-year-old accountant: Sorry about burping in your face. I had three slices of bacon pizza for lunch.
Horrified female intern: I can tell.
Nerdy 35-year-old accountant: It was delicious.
–Corporate office, 17th & 5th
Overheard by: Other Intern Laughing his ass off
Loud girl: Ugh! It smells like vagina in here!
Embarrassed friend: Shhh! You’re so loud!
Loud girl: No, seriously. It fucking smells on this train. It smells like a big, sweaty fucking vagina.
Embarrassed friend: It’s not that bad.
Loud girl: Yes, yes it is. Those train doors are the hole, and now we’re standing in a loose, flappy, smelly vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: it did smell
College student: Hey, what’s up?
Grad student, slowly: The stench of humanity is strong within my nostrils.
–Hungarian Pastry Shop
Anorexic wannabe #1: Ugh, no, ugh… It smells like salt in here! And fat!
Anorexic wannabe #2: Let’s get out of here.
–Chelsea Market, Bowery Kitchen
Overheard by: Rev
Teen girl #1: I hate riding in her car.
Teen girl #2: I know! It smells like dog, and then you look like dog.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: -|
Girl: I never get into empty cars anymore. Last time I did there was a dead guy laying there, and I was stuck with that smell in my nose all day.
–Subway platform, South Ferry
Overheard by: annikee
Man to wife: What, you want to keep riding the train back and forth? I did that shit once. It was the most boring experience of my entire life!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: soixantedeux
Chick after V train passes through the station: There’s a runaway V train and people are still on it!
–C/E platform, 23rd St
Girl: Whenever I’m on the subway all I can think about is sex!
–NYU
Overheard by: ana
Announcer: There is a Bronx-bound one train approaching 34th Street.
–14th St station
Overheard by: Glad to know where the train I missed is
Mom to small child: Do you know if the trains are running express today, or will we have to take the local all the way down?
–W 93rd St
Tourist girl: Waaait… Is this the bus?
–E train, Queens
Overheard by: MegMC
Teacher to student: Want to come into my office and smell my computer?
–Room B-436, FIT
Overheard by: ivy270
Conductor: We apologize to our patrons for the stale bread smell that passengers from our connecting train brought with them. We will be distributing pine fresheners to out patrons shortly.
–LIRR to Penn Station
College chick: My vagina smells like buttered popcorn.
–Starbucks, 7th Ave S
Dude on cell: Wow, I almost feel like I can smell you… Or maybe I’m just really, really hungry.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Cameron
Woman whispers to man next to her: Alright, now come smell my vagina in the bathroom.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Deb
Teen thug to thugette: Man, this train smells like three kinds of ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Mike
Hobo to two bitchy JAPs: You think I stink now? Just wait — I’m about to take my shoes off.
–A train
Crazy guy: Have you ever sniffed some good ass?
Suit: Huh?
Crazy guy: Have you ever smelled some really good asshole?
Suit: I would say… yes, I have. But I don’t really want to discuss it with you, okay?
–E 42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Big Larry
Headline by: space coyote
Runners-Up:
· “It’s Between Me and My Mother” – King of the Jews
· “It’s really more a question of taste…” – Rusty
· “Not now, Dad.” – again.
· “Wall Street’s Don’t Sniff and Tell policy” – Ceetar
· “What Happens at an HMO-covered Therapy Session” – Barry Negrin
