Chick: Oh, that’s cute — you’ve got a long distance girlfriend? Do you have a lot of phone or web sex?
Dude: Uh, no. We’re not really into that.
Chick: Oh, I know what you mean. I gotta have a dick in me for sure.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
Student: I can’t pronounce your last name.
Professor: Neither can I.
–The New School
NYU guy proposing Mary Poppins as a Rocky Horror-style sing-along: It’d probably be fun to get drunk and go to one of those.
NYU girl: I don’t know…
NYU guy: Well, that’s what my oboe teacher said.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: fifi
Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Amy D M
Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!
–Barcade, Williamsburg
Overheard by: champ
Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.
–W 13th St
Overheard by: Lauren L
Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Mona
Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!
–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Student #1: I don’t know, man, I need a crazy girl. These law school girls are too stiff.
Student #2: How so?
Student #1: Like, they would only let you fuck them face-to-face.
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Geez
Student: If child predators really wanted to find information about a kid, they don’t even need to use MySpace. All they’d have to do is go to the local public library and open last year’s elementary school year book…
Professor: Or they could just drive by a school and pick some kid up. You know, the old fashioned way.
–Columbia University
College girl #1: I feel like if I flirted with you enough, I could get you to hook up with me.
College girl #2: I am not a lesbian!
College girl #1: We’ll see.
College girl #2: I cannot believe we are having this conversation again!
–Barnard College
Dude: So I just wrote, ‘John Locke was a great guy.’
Chick: That’s all you wrote? How many points did you get?
Dude: He gave me eight out of ten! He must have felt sorry for me.
Chick: Wow. I hope the professors at my school are that easy.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: writing these two out of the social contract
Professor: C’mon, people, we’ve all done it. It’s called a hand job. The priestess gave the statue a hand job every morning to keep the world going.
Student: Um, how did she know when the statue finished?
Professor: Well… I guess… when the sun came up.
–Religion and Love class, Hunter College
Overheard by: LH
Dental student: I was working on this girl’s teeth, and she just… started moving around all weird.
Student’s mother: Yeah? Did you prick her or something?
Dental student: No, she was just… um… masturbating. I didn’t know what to do so I just waited for her to finish and went to get more supplies. What else was I supposed to do?
–Restaurant, Times Square
Overheard by: Well, what would you do?
