Students

I Think “Hemingway Stole All His Ideas From Me” Is Explanation Enough

Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Vitto

Headline by: Alli

Runners-Up:

· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish

· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi

· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell

· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout

· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising

· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It Takes the Village to Raise a College Kid

College kid #1: You know why I like the Village?
College kid #2: Why?
College kid #1: It’s not Times Square.
College kid #2: Oh, I love the Village because you can eat at a classy pizza establishment and then go next door and buy a dildo.

–13th & 6th

The Teacher Will Now Call on the Sleeping Kid in the Back

Boy trying to get teacher to call on him: Oh my god, I have a really good point to make!
Girl, just as eager: Shut up! Mine is better!

–Hunter College High

You Just Need to Stop Hanging around with Grad Students

College student: Hey, what’s up?
Grad student, slowly: The stench of humanity is strong within my nostrils.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Right Now I’m Just Using a Carrot As a Placeholder

Chick: Oh, that’s cute — you’ve got a long distance girlfriend? Do you have a lot of phone or web sex?
Dude: Uh, no. We’re not really into that.
Chick: Oh, I know what you mean. I gotta have a dick in me for sure.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Without Buying a Vowel

Student: I can’t pronounce your last name.
Professor: Neither can I.

–The New School

Although She Also Told Me Shrooms Are Just Mushrooms with LSD Sprayed On…

NYU guy proposing Mary Poppins as a Rocky Horror-style sing-along: It’d probably be fun to get drunk and go to one of those.
NYU girl: I don’t know…
NYU guy: Well, that’s what my oboe teacher said.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: fifi

All Your Base Are Belong to Wednesday One-Liners

Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Amy D M

Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Overheard by: champ

Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.

–W 13th St

Overheard by: Lauren L

Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!

–PS 8, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Mona

Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!

–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Is Your Former Lover in This Courtroom? Can You Point Him Out?

Student #1: I don’t know, man, I need a crazy girl. These law school girls are too stiff.
Student #2: How so?
Student #1: Like, they would only let you fuck them face-to-face.

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Geez

I Got Pictures, I Got Candy, I’m a Lovable Man

Student: If child predators really wanted to find information about a kid, they don’t even need to use MySpace. All they’d have to do is go to the local public library and open last year’s elementary school year book…
Professor: Or they could just drive by a school and pick some kid up. You know, the old fashioned way.

–Columbia University

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