Threats

Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’

–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority

Overheard by: Kevin

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!

–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker

Overheard by: The Simian Space Man

Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].

–2 train

Overheard by: Ladle

[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]

Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Susan Laura

Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Crackhead girl: I said excuse me, man! Get the fuck outta my way!
Guy: Geez…
Crackhead girl: And you better fix your zipper before I take your penis!

–4 train

Overheard by: iliveherebutstilllooklikeatourist

Girl #1: How often do you get wet?
Girl #2: Oh my god, we’re in public!
Girl #1: Well, I was just wondering, because everybody back home thinks you’re such a slut!
Girl #2: Piss off! At least I’m not a fire crotch!
Girl #1: Don’t you ever call me that ever again, or I’ll delete you off my Top Eight on MySpace!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Andrew

Mom: Just stand still, Alyssa. [Little girl tries to reach into mom’s shopping bag.] Don’t touch that! I said don’t touch it! Do you want to go see Santa?
Little girl: Nooo!
Mom: Well, if you keep touching that, I’m going to bring you to see Santa! [Minutes later, girl reaches into bag again.] What did I tell you?! Santa’s gonna get you! He’s gonna come get you in your sleep!

–6 train

Overheard by: Elisabeth

Guy: You should really take her to the hospital.
Woman with coughing, sweating, crying child: You wanna do somethin’? Why don’t you get off yo’ ass and take her temperature?! [To child] If you end up in the hospital, I’m gonna make sure you stay in the hospital!

–1 train

Thug #1, with meowing kitten in backpack: Yo, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m gonna snap ya neck. You about to get clapped by ya master.
Thug #2, with litter box: Yeah, son — about to get clapped.

–Broadway Junction

Dude: I’ll kill you guys if you hack into my wedding website!

–535 8th Ave

Student, looking at clock: It’s time to go, Mr. T.
Teacher, slowly and loudly: It’s time for you to die.

–E 68th St

Mom holding cardboard James Dean stand-up: I’m comin’ to get you! I’m gonna get you!
Two-year old son, screaming: Nooo! Nooo!

–LaSalle & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Dad: Where would you like to eat? There’s an Italian restaurant across the street. Or maybe pizza?
Little girl: Are you going to shut up, or do I have to smack you?

–85th & York

Overheard by: Eric