Dude #1: You have to make a decision — between the girls you want to fuck, the girls you want to kill, and the girls you want to marry.
Dude #2: Yeah…
–East Houston
Dude #1: You have to make a decision — between the girls you want to fuck, the girls you want to kill, and the girls you want to marry.
Dude #2: Yeah…
–East Houston
B&T girl #1, looking at gourds: That looks like a tumor!
B&T girl #2: That looks like my ovary!
–Union Square Farmers Market
Overheard by: Glynda
Guy: You can pour all the soup on it you want, that still won’t make it pancakes.
Woman, desperate: You don’t seem to realize, cigarettes are addictive!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Liz
NYU chick #1: How do we get there?
NYU chick #2: The yellow line!
WASP lady screaming: There’s no yellow line! There are numbers and letters, no colors!
NYU chick #1: God! What a bitch!
WASP lady: Damn straight I’m a bitch! Get the fuck out of town!
–Union Square
Overheard by: um, I agree
Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’
–Union Square station
Overheard by: DM Cook
Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…
–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St
Overheard by: pimnana
Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.
–Uptown 2 train from 66th St
Overheard by: Avatarded
Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.
–1 train, 168th St
Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!
–John Jay College
Overheard by: Scott
Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.
–109 & Broadway
Overheard by: trying to stay dry
Model: My agency is the only place where I feel at home, ’cause none of the men want to fuck me.
Friend: What about at Christmas with your family?
Model: Nope.
–Union Square
Woman #1: No, they can’t do a sequel, it’d get boring. Snakes… in the Sauna!
Woman #2: Yeah, it has to be another animal… and a building.
— Bathroom, Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: Elmo
Bum, after lady hands him a pack of cigarettes: The whole pack?
Lady: Yeah, take them, you can have ’em.
Bum: That is so kind of you! I can’t believe it! How can I repay you?
Lady: No, no, just take them.
Bum: I know what I will do! I will make love to your dog.
–Ave A & 7th St
Overheard by: Anna Meyer
Guy soliciting money: Just one penny. Just one penny to help the homeless.
Contributor: Where’s Eddie?
Guy soliciting money: Eddie? Oh, he’s on vacation this week.
–Outside Barnes and Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Bob who gives at the office
NYU student #1: I think our degrees will definitely appreciate in value over our lifetimes.
NYU student #2: Yeah, dude, especially when the rest of the world is destroyed and New York becomes Mega City One.
–Juan MacLean concert, Union Square
Overheard by: deke shearon
