Teen tourist girl #1: The Late Show! The Late Show!
Teen tourist girl #2: We have to go see that! I can’t believe The Late Show is here!
Hobo: That show is bad. Very, very bad. It will take you to hell. Repent for your sins now!
Teen tourist girl #1: Run!
–Union Square Station
Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.
–East Village
Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
–Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
–Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.
–D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
–Goodwill
Guy #1: I told you how he threatened me, didn’t I? He said he wanted to knife me and then sodomize me.
Guy #2: Man, your high school was fucked up.
–12th & B
Overheard by: Neckbeard
Teen girl #1: I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid about getting home on time.
Teen girl #2: Pshaw. At least I’m paranoid about good things. I only make myself cry and throw up over boys.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Dude #1: Yeah, so it turns out I got pee in my hair for nothing.
Dude #2: Yeah. Huh.
–14th & 3rd
Shrewd consumer: Can you believe it?! A beer costs $7 here! I can buy a hooker and get a blow job for that price!
–Heartland Brewery, Union Square
Overheard by: only in new york
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so he really slept with her. It’s gross. She looks like a drag queen.
Hipster girl #2: If she really was a drag queen, that would be hot, though.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah.
–Union Square
Man: I just don’t get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
Woman: Ok, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.
–13th & 3rd
Overheard by: Todd B
Girl, wearing men’s boxer shorts and sweatshirt, on cell: It was so awkward walking out of his room this morning…because I didn’t remember walking in!
–Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: just trying to get my morning coffee
Barista: Man, I need some Vicodin.
Female customer: Let me look in my bag. [Looks in bag] No, must be in my other bag. My butterfly bag.
Barista: Oh.
Female customer: Last year, when I was depressed, a friend of mine took all my drugs. Then I went to her place, and I said, “Hey, can I have my drugs back?” So she gives me this one bottle. And later I go in her bathroom, and I look in the medicine cabinet, and they’re all right there. I mean, why would she leave them there? She had to know I’d just go in there and take them back.
Barista: Ah.
Female customer: And later I went to a party–you know, that rooftop party–and someone stole all my OxyContin.
Barista: I was just kidding. I’ve had a stressful day.
–Alt.Coffee, Ave A between St Mark’s & 9th
