U.S. Geography

I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

“Well, let’s not go nuts. Yet.”

Queer #1: I could fly from here to San Francisco.
Queer #2: Straight?

–19th & Broadway

Self-Loathing Tourists Are the Worst Kind

Tourist chick: Know what would be awesome? If we could manage to not sound like assholes for like 10 minutes.
Tourist guy: We’re from Ohio.

–PATH train

Laura Ashley-Clad Street Thugs Leering Menacingly on Street Corners…

Dude #1: You know how I know you’re gay?
Dude #2, wearily: Because I love Connecticut.
Dude #1: What a fucking horrible place!

–Clinton & Myrtle, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: JP

This Week on The El Word

Blonde #1: I feel like I didn’t apply to enough colleges. [Looks at poster of the University of Chicago] Oooh, Chicago. I should go there.
Dude: You won’t get in.
Blonde #1, ignoring him: Where is Chicago, anyway? It’s a country, right? Ohhh, wait! I’m so stupid. It’s a state!
Blonde #2: Duh.

–College office, High School of Telecommunication Arts and Technology, Brooklyn

Overheard by: …If I didn’t get in, she shouldn’t even be applying

Providential New England

Hipster in Williamsburg: I’ve traveled all around the providentials of New England.

Here’s a Hint: Look for the Steps

Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can’t even find our way downstairs!

–Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History

I Blame Woodrow Wilson

Yuppie: I just really hate the Garden State mentality.

–West Village

Georgia Out of My Mind

Woman: Where is Georgia anyway?
Her brother: It’s a state.
Woman: I know, but where is it?
Her brother: Down south somewhere.

–Newark Airport

Overheard by: Coffee

Readers: Answer This Overheard Current Events Question

Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Didi Hylobates

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