U.S. Geography

Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can’t even find our way downstairs!

–Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History

Yuppie: I just really hate the Garden State mentality.

–West Village

Woman: Where is Georgia anyway?
Her brother: It’s a state.
Woman: I know, but where is it?
Her brother: Down south somewhere.

–Newark Airport

Overheard by: Coffee

Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs?

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Didi Hylobates

Lady Patron: It’s freezing outside.
Man behind counter: Let’s move to Florida!
Lady Patron: No, thank you.

–Coffee Shop, Hudson & King Street

Woman on phone: No, my nose isn’t big by New York standards, but in Texas it’s huge.

–Midtown office

Female lawyer #1: So we stopped and ate at Cracker Barrel.
Female lawyer #2: Oh, my husband loves Cracker Barrel!
Male lawyer #1: How come it's okay to have a restaurant named Cracker Barrel, but when there was a restaurant chain called Sambo's, they were forced to change their name?
Male lawyer #2: And what about the Washington Redskins?
Male lawyer #1: Yeah, imagine if they had a team named The Darkies?
Male lawyer #2: So how come nobody forces the Redskins to change their name?
Male lawyer #1: Cause, when's the last time you saw a mob of Indians kick someone's ass?
Male lawyer #2: Custer?
Male lawyer #1: I rest my case.
Female lawyer #2: And just what does any of this have to do with Cracker Barrel?
Male lawyer #1: You ever take a look at who eats there?

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Overheard by: gossipgirlish

Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?

–Central Park East

Overheard by: walter

Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.

–D Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: oliver

Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.

–Stanton & Orchard

Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.

–4 Train

Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe

Young guy talking to two blonde twenty-somethings: I'm going up to Lake George for the 4th.
Blonde 20-something #1: I've never been there.
Blonde 20-something #2: Lake George? Is that near The Hamptons?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Carrie