U.S. Geography

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t in New York — That’s for Sure

20-ish woman on cell: I know it’s illegal in most states, but I thought it would be okay in Arizona…

–Central Park

Overheard by: aaron milner

Teacher: You guys might notice that I have some issues with Louisiana. I mean, it’s a great place and all, as long as you don’t get mugged or walk into a drug deal. I did that and then they followed me into a Rite Aid, and I was like, ‘Fuck, I’m gonna get stabbed on my last day here.’

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Hot girl on cell: She moved to Oklahoma? People don’t go to Oklahoma — people are from Oklahoma!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: from Texas

Hipster: Her parents are the only democrats in Colorado.

–E 86th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Woman on cell: Girl. what state you said you in? North Carolina?! That’s a big-ass fuckin’ state! … Shit, North Carolina is a big fuckin’ state — they got mad people… North Carolina is fuckin’ big… You need to get the fuck out of there.

–J train

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, but he’s from, like, gross Connecticut.

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: Scarfish

Conductor: We’re on the looong Alabama road. I’m glad you’re all aboard.

–Manhattan-bound Q train

But There’s No ‘Where’ There

Chick: So where in Iowa are you from?

–UES

The Governor's Accent Tends to Throw People Off

Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!

–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Crazy Person

‘Two Coasts’? That’s Just Crazy Talk!

Blonde #1: I met Kelly in Portland.
Blonde #2: Which Portland?
Blonde #1: What are you talking about?
Blonde #2: Well there are two: one on the east coast, one on the west coast.
(long silence)
Blonde #1: You know, it’s not funny to lie all the time like that.

–Houston St

I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

“Well, let’s not go nuts. Yet.”

Queer #1: I could fly from here to San Francisco.
Queer #2: Straight?

–19th & Broadway

Self-Loathing Tourists Are the Worst Kind

Tourist chick: Know what would be awesome? If we could manage to not sound like assholes for like 10 minutes.
Tourist guy: We’re from Ohio.

–PATH train

Laura Ashley-Clad Street Thugs Leering Menacingly on Street Corners…

Dude #1: You know how I know you’re gay?
Dude #2, wearily: Because I love Connecticut.
Dude #1: What a fucking horrible place!

–Clinton & Myrtle, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: JP

This Week on The El Word

Blonde #1: I feel like I didn’t apply to enough colleges. [Looks at poster of the University of Chicago] Oooh, Chicago. I should go there.
Dude: You won’t get in.
Blonde #1, ignoring him: Where is Chicago, anyway? It’s a country, right? Ohhh, wait! I’m so stupid. It’s a state!
Blonde #2: Duh.

–College office, High School of Telecommunication Arts and Technology, Brooklyn

Overheard by: …If I didn’t get in, she shouldn’t even be applying

Providential New England

Hipster in Williamsburg: I’ve traveled all around the providentials of New England.

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