Wednesday One-Liners Vary

George Orwell’s Wednesday-One-Liner Farm

Girl to friend: So I got my horse, things got a little escalated… He got his horse…

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: ninja z

Small child on bike: Suck my butt monkey!

–Central Park

Metrosexual on cell: I can only hope the animal noises are promising for my night.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Argopelter

African man to African woman: I told you when you came to this country that you can’t touch old people, you can’t touch children, and you can’t touch animals.

–Central Park, near W 63rd St entrance

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Woman to another: He would go one way and the armadillo would go the other way…

–42nd St, outside Bryant Park

Overheard by: MPW

Sad girl to friend: I’d feel better if I just had lemurs to talk to.

–Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Wake Up in a Tub of Ice

Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.

–Dojo, W 4th St.

Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: kjsilopanna

The Public Immodesty of Wednesday One-Liners

Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!

–109th & CPW

Overheard by: Harris Mercer

NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…

–W 4th & MacDougal

Overheard by: Martin Johnson

Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

–5 train

B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.

–14th & 9th

Overheard by: DocThomp

Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?

–Union Square Holiday Market

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!

–4 train

Overheard by: LP

Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: ak

Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!

–R train, Canal St

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Lesley

Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!

–West Village

Overheard by: megan

Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.

–Wall St & Nassau

Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!

–44th St & Lex

Overheard by: Made my morning

Wednesday One-Liners, Have You Called Jenny Yet?

Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!

–LIRR to Shea Stadium

Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!

–Manhattan-bound 6 train

Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat

15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Andy

Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.

–Queens Blvd

Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!

–88th & Amsterdam

Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…

–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Evan

Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Twist!

Hot British chick on cell, looking through her bag: Oh, dear! I still have your knickers!

–Outside FIT

Overheard by: epsd101

Disgusted teen to pals: You don’t put dirty underwear in a Marc Jacobs handbag!

–75th & Park

Overheard by: Oh to be Priveledged…

Whiny girl: I feel so shitty tonight, like if my D cups were B cups or something.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Trixie

Asian guy to another: By the end of the summer, both of us better be A cups!

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Girl: What do you mean you don’t know?! Look in your underwear!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: Thinking about my tighty-whities

Those Incomprehensible Youth Gay Codes

Boy inside elevator: Going up?
Boy outside elevator: I’m going down.
Boy inside elevator: Well, I’m in the elevator, and I’m going up.
Boy outside elevator: Oh…fine, be that way.

–Lafeyette Street Residence

Guy #1: Dude, you still sleeping in the closet?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: You got an air mattress or anything in there yet?
Guy #2: Yeah, I’ve got a little mattress in there now. Still pretty sad though…I’m also drunk.

–East Campus dorm, Columbia University

Overheard by: merrellham

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but the Macarena

Hipster girl: I didn’t do too much… I had a dance-off with a shark…

–East Village

Overheard by: hoping she won

Conductor: No train Hokey Pokey! Either you’re in or you’re out!

–7 train, Grand Central

Overheard by: 7 train day tornado hit brooklyn

40-ish blonde on cell: So, he thought it was going to be more than a dinner date. That prick wanted to bang me after dinner. I just wanted a dance partner I could throw away at the end of the night.

–39th & 3rd

Overheard by: Mark

Street performer, to crowd: Get closer — we don’t have weapons… Don’t be scared, it’s just black guys dancing!

–New York Public Library

Guy to female passersby, about Chuck Taylors: My grandmother had a pair of those shoes. She used to breakdance with a wooden leg.

–Paul Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Lillian

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lipstick on Their Collars

Chick on cell: It was amazing! We spent the entire night together. We really connected. It just doesn’t seem like his wife knows him at all… Well, okay, Dad, gotta run. Love you, too.

–Smith & Baltic, Brooklyn

JAP with coldsore: I can’t date Jewish guys anymore. I mean, I really like Jewish guys, but I can’t stand them. Just because I’m dating someone, it doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with someone else!

–Murray Hill Diner

Chick: I thought it was bad being cheated on with an underage albino, but at least she wasn’t a fat tranny.

–42nd St

Girl on cell: I really had to talk about it, and I knew I couldn’t leave anything about our relationship on his answering machine! His wife listens to that! And his kids!

–67th & Broadway

Hipster chick: The married one I was having an affair with — if he MySpaced me, it’d be rude not to MySpace his wife, right?

–Mott & Prince

Let’s Hop on a Bus, Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?

–Bx12 bus

Overheard by: Courtney C

Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?

–Bx9 bus

Overheard by: ogie

Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.

–M14D bus

Overheard by: Sherri

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