Balding 40-something: I’m a coed! Don’t laugh — I am a hot coed!
–Columbia University
Drunken cheerleader to fat friend: We’re the hottest non-lesbian girl couple ever.
–68th & Lex
Thug to friends: Yo, it’s too damn hot to be messin’ with the females today.
–Union St & 4th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Teen program chick: … And even if it’s really, really hot outside, you are not supposed to sleep with a fan directly on you.
–Columbia University
Woman: You wanna have a gang bang? Then I’m not being nice today.
–32nd & 6th
Ghetto girl: While you was kissing him he was eatin’ her out.
–Penn Station
Woman on cell: What would I do without you? Who would archive my threesomes?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Cabbie, after four girls exit cab: Usually when four white girls get into cab and say, ‘Harlem,’ they are going to see their man for a gang bang.
–109th & Madison
Overheard by: wish i lived in harlem back then
Little girl: I can’t wait to tell my class about polyamory!
–Amtrak out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Nipples
Guy on cell: There was a blonde-haired girl and a brown-haired girl. I did everything to the brown-haired girl!
–Bedford Ave, between N 3rd & N 4th
Overheard by: chloe
Blonde chick on cell: No, you wouldn’t like them. They aren’t into orgies.
–Astor Place
Girl to friend: So I got my horse, things got a little escalated… He got his horse…
–The Cloisters
Overheard by: ninja z
Small child on bike: Suck my butt monkey!
–Central Park
Metrosexual on cell: I can only hope the animal noises are promising for my night.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Argopelter
African man to African woman: I told you when you came to this country that you can’t touch old people, you can’t touch children, and you can’t touch animals.
–Central Park, near W 63rd St entrance
Overheard by: birdw0rks
Woman to another: He would go one way and the armadillo would go the other way…
–42nd St, outside Bryant Park
Overheard by: MPW
Sad girl to friend: I’d feel better if I just had lemurs to talk to.
–Washington Square Park
Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.
–Dojo, W 4th St.
Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: kjsilopanna
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!
–109th & CPW
Overheard by: Harris Mercer
NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…
–W 4th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Martin Johnson
Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
–5 train
B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: DocThomp
Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!
–4 train
Overheard by: LP
Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: ak
Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!
–R train, Canal St
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lesley
Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!
–West Village
Overheard by: megan
Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.
–Wall St & Nassau
Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!
–44th St & Lex
Overheard by: Made my morning
Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!
–LIRR to Shea Stadium
Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!
–Manhattan-bound 6 train
Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat
15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Andy
Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.
–Queens Blvd
Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!
–88th & Amsterdam
Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…
–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Evan
Hot British chick on cell, looking through her bag: Oh, dear! I still have your knickers!
–Outside FIT
Overheard by: epsd101
Disgusted teen to pals: You don’t put dirty underwear in a Marc Jacobs handbag!
–75th & Park
Overheard by: Oh to be Priveledged…
Whiny girl: I feel so shitty tonight, like if my D cups were B cups or something.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Trixie
Asian guy to another: By the end of the summer, both of us better be A cups!
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Girl: What do you mean you don’t know?! Look in your underwear!
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: Thinking about my tighty-whities
Boy inside elevator: Going up?
Boy outside elevator: I’m going down.
Boy inside elevator: Well, I’m in the elevator, and I’m going up.
Boy outside elevator: Oh…fine, be that way.
–Lafeyette Street Residence
Guy #1: Dude, you still sleeping in the closet?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: You got an air mattress or anything in there yet?
Guy #2: Yeah, I’ve got a little mattress in there now. Still pretty sad though…I’m also drunk.
–East Campus dorm, Columbia University
Overheard by: merrellham
Hipster girl: I didn’t do too much… I had a dance-off with a shark…
–East Village
Overheard by: hoping she won
Conductor: No train Hokey Pokey! Either you’re in or you’re out!
–7 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: 7 train day tornado hit brooklyn
40-ish blonde on cell: So, he thought it was going to be more than a dinner date. That prick wanted to bang me after dinner. I just wanted a dance partner I could throw away at the end of the night.
–39th & 3rd
Overheard by: Mark
Street performer, to crowd: Get closer — we don’t have weapons… Don’t be scared, it’s just black guys dancing!
–New York Public Library
Guy to female passersby, about Chuck Taylors: My grandmother had a pair of those shoes. She used to breakdance with a wooden leg.
–Paul Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Lillian
