Doorman #1: What if she was a Chinese woman, would you help her?
Doorman #2: Oh, hell no.
–W 77th St
Overheard by: Cole Goadbog
Doorman #1: What if she was a Chinese woman, would you help her?
Doorman #2: Oh, hell no.
–W 77th St
Overheard by: Cole Goadbog
Dude #1 opens a taxi door, hitting Dude #2’s car.
Dude #2: Yo, man, what the fuck? You hit my car!
Dude #1, walking away: The taxi hit your car.
–28th, between 10th & 11th
Overheard by: Milan P
DVD hawker: I got Superman, X-Men III, all high quality.
Guy: Those are illegal! You’re stealing from me. I’m a writer.
DVD hawker: What? Did you write any of these?
Guy: You’re selling illegal goods. I’m a writer. You’re stealing from me!
DVD hawker: If you wrote any of these movies, you wouldn’t be riding the subway.
–Uptown E train
Woman: What’s this one called?
Man, leaning in to read the card: Please Don’t Touch.
–MoMA
Overheard by: Andrew Toutain
Mets fan: Yo, white and chubby, sit down!
Chick: Just because some loser Mets fan wants an anorexic, Abercrombie-wearing, dick-sucking, slutty cunt for a girlfriend, I should feel bad because you think I’m white and chubby?!
–Yankee Stadium, between sections 37 & 39
Overheard by: another creature
Guy #1: I’d rape her. I mean, if I were in Africa I’d rape her.
Guy #2: She has a cameraman that knows kung fu, you foul Negro!
Guy #1: After I shoot him in the head, all that kung fu knowledge bleeds out.
–Katra, Bowery & Rivington
Overheard by: Michael Winfield
Boyfriend: Oooh, you look pretty in that dress.
Girlfriend: You’re revolting. Don’t touch me.
Queer buddy: Jeremy, this is your stop. Penn Station. Get out.
Boyfriend: No it isn’t. This is 96th Street.
Girlfriend: Do you have any idea how much I hate you? Stop touching me.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: Shane
Toy soldier doorman: Sorry, sir, the store is closing and we’re not letting anyone else in.
Guy: But I have an enormous expense account!
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: Dugan Hayes
Tourist #1: What park is this? Where am I?
Tourist #2: It’s Tompkins Square Park.
Tourist #1: Well, I am clearly too good for this park.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: Seriously, look at these people. I am way too good for this park and these people.
–7th and Ave A
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Girl: Oh, and in French, they say-
Guy: -I don’t care.
Girl: This date has been awful.
Guy: Shut up!
–78th & Broadway
