Bartenders

Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office

Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.

–R train, Lexington Ave stop

Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th

Overheard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: beans

I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.

–Metro-North

Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve concert

Overheard by: Smash

Now Tell Me, How Were Your Areola Expectations Not Met?

Drunk girl: I don’t know. I think I need new nipples.
Bartender: Well, maybe you should show me. I’m a nipple connoisseur.

–Caroline’s, Broadway

Overheard by: not kidding

That’ll Be $75

Freshman: Hi… I’ll get, uh… um… a Screwdriver and, um, a Corona, and with a lime.
Bartender: Generally, when you order a Corona it comes with a lime.
Freshman: Where I’m from, you don’t get a lime unless you ask for it.
Bartender: Where are you from?
Freshman: Westchester.

–Bar near NYU

Meet the Inventors of Training Wheels for Pants

Chick #1: I don’t know how to walk slow.
Chick #2: Yeah…
Chick #1: Walking is like riding a bike. You fall down when you walk too slow.

–E train platform

Her Mom Had a Few Too Many Moments of Clarity during the Last Trimester

Bar patron dude: No, I don’t think you’re using that right. A ‘moment of clarity’ is a concept from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Bartender chick: But you’re not an alcoholic! So your moment of clarity is when you finally get served booze!

–Library bar, Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: E.Vill. Genius

If I Were a Rich… Motherfucker! Ya Ha Deedle Deedle… Shit!

Customer: That guy? He was in a production of Fiddler on the Roof with me!
Bartender: Really? I thought he had Tourette’s!
Customer: Oh, he does.

–Bar, 14th St & 7th Ave

She Should See the Video

Dude: I know she’s your girlfriend, John, but I’d come all over her.
Bartender chick: Wow, that was kind of… graphic.

–The Slaughtered Lamb, Jones & West 4th

Overheard by: Tarkus

They Put the ‘Sensual’ in ‘Non-Consensual’

Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.

–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd

So He Doesn’t Cure Social Diseases?

Bartender: Yeah, I know him, he’s a professor of social studies at Columbia.
Middle-Aged woman: That’s my school! I think it’s so great that he’s a social worker.
Bartender: Um, he’s a professor of social studies.
Middle-Aged woman: Right, a social worker.
Bartender: No, he’s a professor of social studies. That doesn’t make him a social worker.
Middle-Aged woman: No?

–81st & Amsterdam

I Prefer Connect Four

Bartender dude: You gave up?
Guy: Yeah.
Bartender dude: I never give up. Even if I know I’m gonna lose, I’ll take you down with me.
Girl: A war of attrition.
Bartender dude: No, more like 69.

–Patio Lounge, Park Slope

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist