Bartender: You're in it, right?
Customer: Yeah. I usually do work when I drink. I need to be drunk when I code. Strippers and programmers…I don't know why.
–P&G Bar
Overheard by: Holiday Guts!
Bartender: You're in it, right?
Customer: Yeah. I usually do work when I drink. I need to be drunk when I code. Strippers and programmers…I don't know why.
–P&G Bar
Overheard by: Holiday Guts!
Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: I Hate Times Square
30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.
–Park Slope, Prospect Park
Overheard by: Alex
Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kar
Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!
–Times Square
Overheard by: non voter
Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.
–Boss Tweeds
Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Bartender: Stay for another round?
NYU kid: What time do you close today?
Bartender: 4 am, same as every day. I have the schedule right here. I also have the AA schedule!
–Blarney Bar
Old grimy man to cute young bartender: Will you marry me?
Bartender: No!
Old man: I'll pay you.
Bartender: How much?
Old man: $30,000.
Bartender: Ummm… No, I would need at least 3 million.
Old man (shaking his head and talking to himself): I don't get it. It's just not fair. $30,000 is a lot of money.
–Cobblestones Pub
Overheard by: kapnasty
Headline by: hearer
Runners-Up:
· “From the Pilot for “X-Rated Price Is Right”” – BobBugger
· “Just Go Home, Mr. Hefner.” – playgeezer
· “The Market Ain’t What It Used to Be” – Rob
· “Well If You Won’t Marry Me, Will You at Least Be My Running Mate?” – Michelle
· “When Did Heather Mills Start Bartending?” – Paul Ferris
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you?
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: TrigStarr
Female bartender: I forgot to tell you, I hired a new bartender. She will be here tonight.
Male bartender: Oh. Is she cute?
Female bartender: Well… She’s Asian.
Male bartender: Oh. Asian Asian or cute Asian?
Female bartender: Ehhh… you know.
–Broadway Theater
Bartender to DJ: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends.
DJ, over music: What?
Bartender: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends!
–Lit Lounge
Overheard by: waiting for my drink
Man on barstool: I want to toast my friend who passed away.
Bartender, as he slides glass to man: Oh geez, sorry to hear that. When did he die?
Man: Four years ago.
Bartender: Four years ago… And you are just now…
Man: I’ve been busy.
–3rd Ave Bar, near 37th
Overheard by: Paul
Traveller: Can you put on CBS so we can watch the basketball?
Bartender: It’s not on.
Traveller: Really? It should be…
Bartender: Yeah, it *was* on, but then that guy came on to talk. You know, that guy, what’s his name? The president?
–Bar, JFK Terminal 7
Overheard by: NCS
