Blonde: So, where’d y’all go on vacation?
Brunette: Bermuda.
Blonde: And y’all came back alive?!
–Union Square
Blonde: So, where’d y’all go on vacation?
Brunette: Bermuda.
Blonde: And y’all came back alive?!
–Union Square
Drunk girl: You’ve seen anal sex a million times in porn, but have you ever once seen shit on the guy’s dick? Or on the sheets?
Guy: Maybe they give the girls enemas first.
Drunk girl, draining glass: Well, they must give ’em something, because in real life ass-fucking is a shitty business.
–Tony Awards after-party, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Big Larry
Blonde: So you mean Alaska’s not an island right above Hawaii?
Brunette: How did you graduate college, again?
Blonde: Well, I wasn’t a geography major. Gosh!
–96th & Madison
Overheard by: amused
Teen girl: [Mumbles.]Clerk: What?
Teen girl: [Speaks softly.]Clerk: You’re going to have to speak up.
Teen girl: [Leans over counter and mumbles.]Clerk: What? What the fuck are those? [Yells to coworker] Tina*! Do we have any morning after pills? [Teen girl sprints out of store.]
–Crowded CVS
Ditzy teen: Hey, is the pope Jewish?
Boyfriend: Ummm, no — why the hell would you think that?
Ditzy teen: Well, he wears that little Jewish thing on his head.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Olivia
Bimbette: Look, it’s not like I mind tall, dark, and handsome, but it’s like, ‘Look at me — I’m hot… I should be able to nab a nerd.’
Friend: Nerds aren’t like shoes — you can’t just try them on for size. They have feelings, too.
Bimbette: And glasses.
–34th & Lex
Jogger girl #1: We should go out tonight to this cool new bar I heard of.
Jogger girl #2: Okay, where is it?
Jogger girl #1: Somewhere in the Fla-teer-on District.
Jogger girl #2: … You mean the Flatiron District?
Jogger girl #1: Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I’ve been telling all my friends at work about it — why haven’t they corrected me?
–88th & York
Overheard by: Moderately amused
Chick: I don’t know — all the worry about oil prices and gas… [Dude throws sideways glance.] What does oil have to do with gas, anyway? You don’t put a can of oil in your gas tank.
Dude: You know what? You’re a dumbass.
–W 52nd St
Overheard by: Eric Shellhamer
Girl #1: Ewww! That doughnut looks like it’s covered in cum.
Girl #2: Mmm… If cum tasted like this I would give head everyday… I wish I tasted like this.
Girl #1: Word.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Alex Berger
College girl: I think I’m going to have sex with him.
Queer: Really? Why?
College girl: Because I’m 20.
Queer: What’s his name?
College girl: Ummm…
Queer: Nice, real nice. You’re a class act.
College girl: I still have at least three years before I have to worry about being classy.
–X10 express bus
