20-something guy, holding long wooden board: Hey, can you spare some change for me and my wood to get a hooker?
Blonde party girl passing by, rubbing wood in sexual way: Oh, I like your wood…
20-something guy: Oh, thank you. (to girl sitting next to him) You'd think someone would give me money just for making them laugh, but no.
–St. Mark's b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: TR
30-year-old #1: So we went out on Thursday, and he didn’t call me Friday or Saturday, which was good. Then he showed up at the party on Sunday and didn’t talk to me for the first 35 minutes. Yesterday, he left me a message telling me how nice the party was, and I haven’t called him back.
30-year-old #2: But you like him.
30-year-old #1: Yeah, I think it’s going well.
–12th & Broadway
Girl #1: What should I get? Milky Way or a Twix?
Girl #2: Get the Twix, there’s a cookie in it so you’ll burn more calories by chewing that.
–Kmart, Penn Station
Girl #1: So I think I saw a picture of this guy I know from class in Cosmo the other day. He was describing how he once cheated on his girlfriend.
Girl #2: No way! That guy has some balls, huh?
Girl #1: Huh? I don’t know. It was a picure of his face.
–Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Girl #1: You know you can spell your name R-A-C-H-L-E too, right?
Girl #2: That’s Rach-lee.
Girl #1: No, the way it sounds listen to the LE, like “apple”. You don’t spell apple A-P-P-E-L.
Girl #2: Yeah, but that’s dumb because I am not an apple.
–Sheepshead Bay station
Overheard by: Lena Ner
Black teenage girl on cell: I don’t care if he is a skinny white dude. I’m telling you right now, as long as I don’t have my period I’m gonna screw that cracker.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl #1: You never told me that. I didn’t agree to any of that!
Girl #2: I know! I’m like… Who’s the chick who started the Trojan War? You know, with the big horses?
Girl #1: Cleopatra?
Girl #2: I’m like fuckin’ Cleopatra!
–NYU
Overheard by: PK
Blonde: So, where’d y’all go on vacation?
Brunette: Bermuda.
Blonde: And y’all came back alive?!
–Union Square
Drunk girl: You’ve seen anal sex a million times in porn, but have you ever once seen shit on the guy’s dick? Or on the sheets?
Guy: Maybe they give the girls enemas first.
Drunk girl, draining glass: Well, they must give ’em something, because in real life ass-fucking is a shitty business.
–Tony Awards after-party, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Big Larry
