Hobo: How many people you run over in that thing today?
Half a man: None yet, although I could come back later.
–12th Street & 7th Avenue
Hobo: How many people you run over in that thing today?
Half a man: None yet, although I could come back later.
–12th Street & 7th Avenue
Conductor #1: I have to head back to check out a problem.
Conductor #2: What’s the problem?
Conductor #1: Apparently some guy is masturbating in his seat.
Conductor #3: Could you two please switch to another channel?
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Steve Ross
Girl: Hey, you know I heard this guy did drugs one time, and he had some kind of permanent reaction, and now he thinks he’s a glass of orange juice!
Guy: Oh yeah, I heard about that. He goes around telling people not to tip him!
Girl: Yeah, yeah. Hey, imagine if he saw someone drinking orange juice.
Guy: Now that would be funny.
–Fontana Sushi, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Fiona F.
Girl #1: Why you holding yo’ nose? We all know it smells like piss in here.
Girl #2: I know it smells like piss, I just don’ wanna pick anything else up into my lungs.
Girl #1: You jus’ wiling cause of the piss smell.
Girl #2: Please, the elevator in my building smells like piss. In fact, in my building, I can tell you the apartment number of who pissed in the elevator.
–Fordham Metro-North station elevator
Chick: I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but I just don’t believe that dinosaurs ever existed.
Guy: What? Well, where do you think those dinosaur bones come from?
Chick: People just make them and put them in the ground and then dig them up so they will be famous.
Guy: I can’t believe you’re serious.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Kathie Samuelson
Guy #1: Someone shouldn’t be naked in your apartment if you don’t know his name.
Guy #2: Unless he’s a refugee.
–45th & 10th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Girl: Do you know they make cameras without film now?
–L train
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Teen girl: So I read that article and cried and cried until my Mom was
like, “Stop crying. You’re retarded.”
–1 train
Crazy guy: Can I taste some of your saliva?
Teen girl: What he just say?
Teen boy: He wanted to taste my salami?
Teen girl: Ha, ha. Say yeah.
Teen boy: Yeah!
–7th Street & 3rd Avenue
