Tall guy: Dude I swear to god, I was on my bed with this mad hot chick and we were making out for like a whole hour…
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
Tall guy: No…you don’t understand…I was feeling her down there, and she…duuuuuude…she had a cock!
Pause
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
–L’Express
Overheard by: John Eckstein
Toddler girl: Penis!
–The Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Ally
Guy talking to two male friends: Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you don’t want to put your dick in my mouth, that’s OK, but shut up!
–Downtown A train platform, W. 4th St
Overheard by: miss professor
Hipster guy on phone: No, no, no, no that is the sound that they said my penis made when it died.
–Morgan & Grattan, East Williamsburg
Man: Isn’t “volvo” the medical term for a vagina?
–Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Tesla
Guy #1: Man it’s got to be the weather, ’cause I’ve been crazy horny lately.
Guy #2: Yeah, chicks are a just as horny, only difference is our testicles hang on the outside of our bodies.
–36th & 7th
Dude: I’ve fired 3 people in the last 2 weeks. One girl was fat. But she didn’t know it. She would come into work with her belly falling out of her shirt. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
–NYSC, 38th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
Girl: Wow! Did you see the rack on her?
Guy: Where?
Girl: Over there…
Guy: Man! You’re not kidding!
Girl: See what I do for you? Who’s the best girlfriend ever?
–Rockefeller Center
Little boy: Huge ass.
Woman: What?
Little boy: Huge ass!
–79th Street 1 station
Chick: Why you looking at her? Who is she?
Guy: I don’t know, but she’s sexy as hell.
Chick: Nigga please. She ain’t all that. What she got that I don’t got?
Guy: A pretty face, a nice ass, big tits, a banging body…Need I say more?
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: The girl they were talking about
Old woman: No! No! You need to cut from that side of the meat. Last week you gave me a cut from the right side. I want a cut from the left side! Don’t you know that I want a fresh cut of meat?
Deli guy: Only way you gonna get a fresher cut of meat is if I take it from your wrinkly white ass.
–Fairway Market, 74th & Broadway
Guy: You know whose coochie smells? Don’t take this the wrong way: white girls. White girls’ coochie always smells nasty. Every white girl I been with, their coochie is stank.
Chick: You know why? It’s ’cause white girls live far from the ghetto, and they have a longass train ride to get to the ghetto, and by the time they get to your house in the ghetto, they sweating and waiting and their coochie stinks.
–40th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: cherie
