Guy #1: My ass is killing me.
Guy #2: Really? Mine feels alright.
Guy #1: Well, you weren’t doing what I was doing all day. It feels like someone ripped my ass off and stapled it back on.
–Paragon Sporting Goods, 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: ericaS
Frat boy #1: Did you see that?!
Frat boy #2: What?
Frat boy #1: That guy just fucked you with his eyes.
–12th & University
Overheard by: Eyefucker’s straight friend
Guy: Did you hear back from the modeling agency?
Girl: Yeah, it was Foot Fetish Palace. I have to call them back.
Guy: Oh my god you’re in porn?! This is why we’re friends.
–20th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: I’m just trying to get to the theatre
Girl #1: So my co-worker is kinda cute, kinda not. Like Jersey-cute. No offense.
Girl #2: Jersey cute?
Girl #1: Yeah, fake tan, big muscles, clearly injects.
Girl #2: Oh, you mean Guido cute!
Girl #1: Guido, yeah, that’s the word I was looking for.
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Just Walking
Man with facial hair: You can only really pull off a Fu Man Chu if you’re a cop, a gay porn star, or a pirate.
–Virgin Records, Times Square
Guy to his girlfriend: You are one hairy bastard
–78th & 1st
Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
Queer clerk: Am I sort of red here? [points at forehead]
Chick clerk: Um, no. Well, actually, kinda.
Queer clerk: Yeah, I knew that when his thing hit me there last night, it was going to leave a mark.
–The Pleasure Chest, 7th Ave S
Overheard by: office peon does nyc
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
–Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.
–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: jenny wallace
Woman #1: She got a booty do
Woman #2: A booty do?
Woman #1: Yeah, you know, when your belly stick out more than your booty do?
–4 train
