If All Goes Well, You

Transparent guy: That’s why gay guys are the best.
The straight man: How so?
Transparent guy: Gay guys are just bags of hormones. If they want sex, they just ask for it. Girls are like, “Let’s all play coy and innocent!”
The straight man: I never thought of it like that.
Transparent guy: Gay guys are like, “Put your balls into my butt” kinda thing.
The straight man, laughing: Yeah, if I was gay I’d probably have sex all the time.
Transparent guy: Me too…Like just go out…find some gay dude… and touch his balls.
The straight man: Dude, what are you on?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Nozomi

Posted on August 6, 2006
Backdoor, Body Parts, Drugs, Gays and Lesbians, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?

–South Street Seaport

Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wee e

Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!

–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.

–71st Rd, Forest Hills

3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?

–13th & University

Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!

–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Jobee

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hospitals, Kids, Lower Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper East Side, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It Was a Little Hard to See in Your Mouth, Cynthia

Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?

–F train

Overheard by: Michelle

Posted on July 30, 2006
Body Parts, Girls, On the Subway, Penis

Nah, I Prefer the Old-Fashioned Amputee Ones

Teen girl: You know, they should have wet t-shirt contests but with legs.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Katwoman

Posted on July 21, 2006
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Clothing

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Have a Leg to Stand on

Mom, to two small children: I think it is better to be born with no legs than to be born with two and have them taken away.

–11th St & 8th Ave

Laundromat owner: She think she know everything! If he love her so much, why’d he go get that other girl pregnant two months after she lost her leg?! He should be giving her a baby!

–Laundromat, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Suparna

Posted on July 19, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Good Source of Protein

Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Manhattan, Moms, Parents, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Topics, Women

For Instance, When Your Mother and I Decided to Keep You

Father: This is what the brain looks like. It’s the least used part of the human body.
Wide-Eyed daughter: Really?
Father: It sure seems that way sometimes, doesn’t it?

–Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Posted on July 8, 2006
Body Parts, Dads, Kids, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Getting a Little on the Side

South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.

–the Bronx

Overheard by: Scullface

Posted on July 7, 2006
Asians, Body Parts, People, Private Parts, Sex, Stupidity, The Bronx, Thugs, Vagina

A Scene from the Latest Leslie Nielsen Movie

Guy: My eye won’t stop twitching.
Girl: Maybe you should have thought of that before you wiped sarin on the counter. Oh, oops, I just realized that the subway is a bad place to talk about work.

–E train

Posted on June 22, 2006
Body Parts, Coworkers, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Talking/Convos

You Just Can’t Get Good Help These Days

Skateboarder on cell: I was just at the spot and there was no car. Fuck, I know what a car looks like and it wasn’t there. Are you sure it was a white Lexus? Fuck you, it wasn’t there. I got eyes, you know. Well then fuck off and go buy your own damn drugs!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Posted on June 17, 2006
Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Drugs, Insults, On Cell, Skaters

Body Parts