Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.
–Brooklyn bound L train
Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.
–Brooklyn bound L train
Hipster girl #1: I bet she had a frontal lobotomy.
Hipster girl #2: Really? I was thinking she might be slightly autistic.
Hipster girl #1: Maybe she’s just really happy.
–Court & Warren, Brooklyn
Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I’d pee in her butt, too.
Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?
–Times Square
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
–Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.
–Lindy’s, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.
–Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.
–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!
–Times Square
Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where’s Susan Smith when you need her?
–Hudson & Jane
Overheard by: jose clunie
College girl: Mom, I can’t babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I’m sorry, I don’t like babies. I find we have very little in common.
–34th & Broadway
Lady: I don’t know if that woman ever found her baby’s head!
–King’s County civil court, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kate s
Mother to infant: I’m so glad you’re getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love you! You’re not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?
–Water St & Hanover Sq
Overheard by: zack
Guy surrounded by kids: You’re all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that’s what you are!
–151st & Broadway
Overheard by: Pants
Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don’t care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?
–J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Lady on cell: No, she don’t like anyone. She mean as shit…Nah…Nah…She don’t even like her own children.
–Port Authority
Woman: Aren’t your feet hot on the pavement?
Little barefoot boy: Yeah, but that’s okay. The ground is really hot, too.
–Washington Square Park
Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
–14th & University
Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
–Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
–13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
–Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
–Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!
–Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
–Century 21
Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!
–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
Transparent guy: That’s why gay guys are the best.
The straight man: How so?
Transparent guy: Gay guys are just bags of hormones. If they want sex, they just ask for it. Girls are like, “Let’s all play coy and innocent!”
The straight man: I never thought of it like that.
Transparent guy: Gay guys are like, “Put your balls into my butt” kinda thing.
The straight man, laughing: Yeah, if I was gay I’d probably have sex all the time.
Transparent guy: Me too…Like just go out…find some gay dude… and touch his balls.
The straight man: Dude, what are you on?
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Nozomi
Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?
–South Street Seaport
Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…
–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wee e
Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!
–Brooklyn bound Q train
Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!
–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.
–71st Rd, Forest Hills
3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?
–13th & University
Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!
–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: Jobee
Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?
–F train
Overheard by: Michelle
