Sir Mix-a-Lot Likes Wednesday One-Liners (And He Cannot Lie)

Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?

–Cafeteria, the Met

Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!

–Brooklyn bound C train

Overheard by: ryan

Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!

–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg

Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: i still sell the iPods

Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!

–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens

Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.

–108th & Manhattan

Overheard by: N

Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.

–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Moms, More museums, Museums, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Upper East Side, Violence, Williamsburg

Wallace Shawn Has VERY High Standards

Guy #1: So I said, “Well, you all are, like, almost hot.”
Guy #2: Wait, why did you do that?
Guy #1: Oh, I wasn’t going to hook up with any of them. So then I said, “See, it’s like you all could be hot. Like she has a nice ass, you have a nice nose… I just wish I could put all of you together and create one big Frankenpussy.”

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Posted on September 10, 2006
Assholes, Beauty, Body Parts, Hook Ups, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.

–74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rachel

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.

–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Rebecca

Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!

— 72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: emily

Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.

–1st Ave between 12th & 13th

Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!

–1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Marriage, Movies, Murder, Music, Offers and requests, Politics, Religion, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Like the Buttons on Sofa Cushions Do

Kid: What’s that?
Grandma: That’s the belly button. It helps you breathe.

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

Posted on September 1, 2006
Body Parts, Kids, Old People, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners: Too Busy to Acquire Social Skills

Virgin-For-Life: Clark Kent and Kal-El are the same goddamn thing, Joey! We are not having this conversation again! Jesus Christ! I’m going home!

–Coney Island

20-Something Virgin-For-Life, noticing guy with Superman t-shirt: Look! That’s who I wanna be when I grow up! Clark Kent! Imagine just taking a suit off and becoming a superhero.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Guy With Superman t-shirt

Virgin-For-Life: The intestinal epithelium is my dream tissue.

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the Bronx

Overheard by: Joshua Drumm

Virgin-For-Life: He’s really sharp. He’s like the head of Voltron.

–23rd between 5th & 6th

Posted on August 30, 2006
Body Parts, College, Empire State Building, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Nerds, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

What About a Really Big Dick?

Girl: So, if you had to pick between a longer foot and a flipper foot, what would you choose? How about one big merman fin?
Guy: Wait, are these options?

–1 train

Overheard by: Yesenia

Posted on August 26, 2006
Body Parts, On the Subway, Questions

Still, Nothing Says Romance Like the Snap of a Latex Glove

Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.

–Brooklyn bound L train

Posted on August 26, 2006
Body Parts, Kink, On the Subway, Sex, Yuppies

This Being New York, the Last Option Was Quickly Dismissed as Improbable

Hipster girl #1: I bet she had a frontal lobotomy.
Hipster girl #2: Really? I was thinking she might be slightly autistic.
Hipster girl #1: Maybe she’s just really happy.

–Court & Warren, Brooklyn

Posted on August 26, 2006
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hipsters, Psychology, Retards & Handicaps

Where New Perversions Come From

Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I’d pee in her butt, too.
Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?

–Times Square

Overheard by: MindControlFun

Posted on August 24, 2006
Asshole, Backdoor, Body Parts, Guys, Kink, Pee, Street, Times Square

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Grand Central, History & Geography, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Waiters

Body Parts