Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
Saucy Latina: I don’t want to get a bikini wax if it won’t be sexual.
–Dallas BBQ, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Exasperated Latina: She makes me sin on freakin’ Ash Wednesday!
–42nd St. 4 station
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Latina on cell: Hey, just calling to say hi… And tell you I’m never gonna see you again. Okay, bye!
–24th & 7th
Whiny Latina: I don’t want to sweat today — I can’t mess up my hair!
–New York Sports Club, Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Loud Latina: He woke up and pissed in a bottle. I was like, ‘The bathroom’s right there! Why you gotta piss in a 40 bottle?’
–3 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Sassy Latina on cell: Well, you can just call your parents and tell them you’re a pig and need more than one woman and that’s why we aren’t getting married!
–Near Steinway St, Queens
Overheard by: ADC
Latino thug: That’s what we do. That’s what we do when we hangin’ out with a girl: smoke a blunt, watch a movie, and then we fuck. That’s what we do. All my niggas, that’s what we do!
–Ft Greene
Overheard by: Andrew
Hot blonde: … So that fucking asshat actually cried and said, ‘Is this because you have morals and I don’t?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, you fucking asshat. I’m dumping you because you have no morals and you cheated on me with femdoms!’
–Central Park
Asian hipster girl to another: I can’t break up with him while he’s unconscious. I’ll go back later tonight when he’s conscious and break up with him then.
–Manhattan-bound F train
10-year-old boy: Man, she is so fucking needy. She keeps wanting to play, like, Truth or Dare to find out stuff about me. And I don’t… I don’t like it!
–E train
Overheard by: Carolyn
Chick on cell: Yeah, but he made some valid points. Like how I’m a sucky girlfriend.
–59th & Madison
Overheard by: Julie
Straight-ish queer: I’m really afraid that a girl will fall head over heels for me and I will end up breaking her heart… Because, you know, I’m really good at giving back massages and fucking up against walls, and those are things girls look for, you know?
–Studio B, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tom
Girl on cell: Look, just because you had a seizure on our first date doesn’t mean I don’t want to go out with you again!
–Budget Car Rental, E 43rd
Dude #1: So, why did you break up with her?
Dude #2: Because she got herpes.
Dude #1: What?! You gave it to her!
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, but it’s different — herpes is gross with girls. It’s like a battle wound for guys, though.
–Slipper Room
Teen girl #1: I think Jack’s about to break up with me again…
Teen girl #2: What? Why?
Teen girl #1: Yesterday I went to his MySpace, and he moved me to the bottom of his Top Eight!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: wallsears
Girl #1: So I hear you’re single again.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s great. I can stop shaving my ass!
–Outside Starbucks, Times Square
Headline by: Marsha Mellow
Runners-Up:
· “Donkey Breathes Sigh of Relief” – Mike Curry
· “Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Shorn” – Adrianne
· “It was the happiest day of Mother Teresa’s life.” – Dave
· “Oh, good, Oprah is back on the market!” – Anna
· “So easy, even a caveman can do it!” – waxes!
· “When she’s dating again she’ll cut it all off and donate it to cancer victims” – Peter B
· “You’re Not Gonna Stop Shaving Mine, Are You?” – Trey Jackson
Woman #1: So, he takes me to see Eragon, and then he walks me to my door and he’s like, ‘Can I come up?’ And I’m all like, ‘No way,’ and he’s like, ‘Why not?’ And I’m like, ‘ ‘Cause you had sex with my sister, you asshole!’ Can you believe that?!
Woman #2: Why did you even go out with him?
Woman #1: I like dragons.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: i like dragons too
Teen girl #1: He broke up with me on Facebook!
Teen girl #2: Like, on your wall?
Teen girl #1: No, he just changed his status back to ‘Single’!
–Metro North terminal, Grand Central
Father carrying plastic pitchfork: Fuck that. Fuck that, bitch! Fuck that!
Mother in disheveled wildcat costume to crying son: It’s okay, baby. You’re not in trouble. Daddy and I are just arguing.
Father: Yeah, fuck you, Mommy. Yo, fuck that. Yo, Daddy is leavin’. Daddy is gone, boy.
Mother: It’s okay, baby.
Father to son: Shut the fuck up, faggot bitch! [Turns to mother] Don’t turn my son against me, bitch!
–24th St & 9th Ave
