A woman and four fancifully-dressed little kids are waiting to cross the street.
Little girl: Can’t we cross the streeet? What are we waiting for?!
Stressed mom: Your father. Remember? The guy you want to be cremated with?
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: Elm City Lass
Chinese mother holding plate of free rice: Do you like rice, girls?
Little girls: Of course we like rice, we’re Chinese!
Chinese mother: I know you’re Chinese. I am Chinese, too.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Non-Chinese Rice-Lover
Preppy guy waiting for walk signal: Hi there.
Hot girl: Um, do I know you?
Preppy guy: No, I was just being friendly…
Hot girl: Oh, yeah? Well then why don’t you say hi to her, too? [Points to fat chick nearby.]Preppy guy, to himself: God, I hate New Yorkers…
–Central Park
Overheard by: well I LOVE New Yorkers
Queer: If I just go home and not to the gym tonight, I’ll just get fatter.
Fag hag: I thought you said you don’t have any food at your apartment.
Queer: Regardless — fat will find a way.
–E 59th & 5th
Overheard by: Joel
Man #1: So, I was just chillin’ out on my porch relaxing when all of a sudden the retarded kid across the street comes out of his house gently yanking his dick, then goes calmly back inside!
Man #2: Where were his parents?
Man #1: Out at the store. He’s old enough to watch himself. But get this — five minutes later he comes out again like a bat out of hell, wearing nothing but a ski hat and winter gloves, jacking off like crazy!
Man #2: What the fuck?!
Man #1: Then, when his parents get back I tell them what happened and his dad tells me, ‘Hmmm, he usually does that on the back porch…’
–Central Park
Patient camp counselor: Instead of punching Timmy* next time, can you think of a better solution to your problem?
Sullen six-year-old: Yes. Next time I’m going to rip all his hairs out.
Patient camp counselor: Assuming that ripping hair out is camp-inappropriate, what’s something else you could do?
Sullen six-year-old: Fine, then. I’ll rip out his eyeballs and piss on his face.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Glad I’m on his good side
Girlfriend: I don’t know, wouldn’t that be sort of… unethical?
Boyfriend: No, it’s not! We just need to adjust our standards.
–Central Park
Chick #1: So, what are we doing tonight?
Chick #2: I don’t know… Wanna go down on me?
Chick #1: Jesus Christ, Chelsea, can you be a little louder?
Chick #2: So, is that a ‘No’?
–Central Park
Overheard by: emily
Scene girl: I don’t understand why your mother doesn’t like me…
Scene boyfriend: You stole my grandmother’s medication.
Scene girl: She’ll be dead in a week. Chill out.
–Central Park
Dad: … Should have hit him — you don’t just let someone just step on your hand like that…
Four-year-old: Da-aaad! It was an accident.
–Heckscher Playground
Overheard by: Clarity Burntime
