Cops

Fireman, telling a story about a female fire fighter: She’s one tough woman.
Retired cop: All firemen are tough women.

–Bar, Staten Island
Headline by: Max North

Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Even Get me Started on Lifeguards…Bunch of Pussies.” – Lindsey
· “Does This Hose Make my Ass Look Big?” – Bones
· “Don’t Get Him Started on Meter Maids…” – colin
· “Firefighters Are From Venus, Cops Are From Jersey” – Hunter North
· “It Makes For an Interesting Calendar” – travis
· “That’s How the Poles Stay so Smooth” – Syd O’Banion
· “They All Refused Anesthesia During the Sex Change Operation” – Johnny D
· “Which Does Much to Explain the Low Salaries” – Jenina
· “You Should See His Burnt Doll Collection” – Matthew
· “You’ll Never Be the Man Your Mother Was.” – Paul

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Cop #1: We wouldn’t have so much crime here if Law & Order was set somewhere else. I mean, they’re just giving people ideas, and making them think it’s entertaining.
Cop #2: Uh huh. And the show also makes people think the force is full of skilled, competent officers.
Cop #1: I guess I object to that, too.

–John’s Pizza, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Jebediah
Headline by: Nick

Runners-Up:
· “As Do The Tourists Who Expect Him to Help When They’re Being Mugged” – Sinead
· “But The Worst Part Is, When Lenny Makes A Joke About A Corpse Everyone Thinks It’s Adorable, But When I Do It I Get Some Bitch Widow Calling Me Insensitive” – Kate
· “His remote’s in his holster and his TV is broken.” – Nick
· “I guess Vincent D’Onofrio is skilled, if by skilled you mean unbearable to watch” – that guy
· “I’m more of a Village People Cop than a Law & Order Cop” – ak
· “If the Sci-Fi Channel folded, we wouldn’t have so many alien invasions, either” – Matthew
· “If they brought back Cop Rock, this job would be a cake walk” – tony ska
· “It’s moments like these that make me wish I was set somewher else” – Jenina
· “Wow I was always saying that wrong. So it’s *Life* imitates *Art*?” – srednivashtar
· “You should have seen this town when “Naked City” was on.” – J. A. G.

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Homeland security cop #1: Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!

He leans over and pretends to vomit in the gutter. Homeland security cop #2 laughs.

Homeland security cop #1, laughing: That was great! Punch me again!

–Federal Plaza, Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Tourist man: Pardon me, officer, can you tell us where Orchard Street is?
Cop: See that naked Chinese guy?
Tourist man: Ummm…Yeah.
Cop: Walk down to him and make a left.
Tourist man: Um, thanks.
Cop: No problem.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Isaac

Girl: How do I cross the parade?
Cop: Get in line with the rest of the straight people.

–Pride Parade, 14th & 5th
Headline by: Steve

Runners-Up:
· “Chickens have pride, too.” – Gobbling Cock
· “Give It The Old College Try” – Paul K.
· “Maybe a Richard Gere costume” – Corydon
· “Now, Dance! And When We Stop Laughing, You May Cross.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “That, or turn queer on 6th” – Albylicious
· “The Indian and the Construction Worker Were Far More Helpful” – mercavelli
· “The only day of the year when ‘blow me’ isn’t the right answer.” – Jesse Y C
· “Unless of course you’d like to show me some hot girl on girl action.” – Adam

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Russian driver: I don’t know, she stop right in front of me.
Cop: She just slammed on the brakes? Why did she do that?
Russian driver: I don’t know, light was yellow. You know, green is go, red is stop, yellow is go faster.
Cop: Sure, absolutely.

–21st Ave & 77th St, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Joel

Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be moving shortly. There is a police investigation taking place on this train. Have a nice day.

–F train

Overheard by: scittle

Guy: That the fucking bitch that called the cops on me! That fucking bitch called the cops! You! White trash! White trash! White trash!
Chick: I always knew you were a bigot.

–St. George, SI

Chick: How much for a ride?
Hansom guy: 45 dollars.
Lady cop: This is the last time I’m going to tell you, get off this street with this horse. If I see you one more time on this street I’m taking the horse and I’m locking you up! You hear me? I’ll take this horse and I’ll lock you up!
Hansom guy: Ha, ha! Fuckin’ bitch.

–50th & 5th

Suit on cell: …and I appreciate that. Now get out of my house before I have you arrested.

–Penn Station