A woman blocks the entire stairway. The man behind her says: Lady, if ya gotta be fat an’ slow, could ya do it in fronna somebody else?
–Union Square station
A portly Russian man sits down in between me and an Italian woman this morning. I bite my tongue. She does not: You’re joking, right? You don’t fit! You should just pick yourself up!
–D Train
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit.
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Skinny girl: Ohmigod, I should be like a plus-size model!
Skinnier girl: You look great!
Skinny girl: You are sooo skinny! What do you do?
Skinnier girl: I don't eat more than like a thousand calories a day.
–Elevator, MSG Suites
Girlfriend to fiance, while shaking ring off of finger: Look, my ring is getting too big again. Am I losing weight?
Fiance: You're losing weight and I'm losing interest in you.
–E 95th St
Overheard by: Sarah
Guy #1: Big girls need love too!
Guy #2: Not from me, my bed is too small to fit a baby whale.
–46th St & 6th
Overheard by: TL
Father: I don't even want to know how many calories this burger has.
Young daughter: What's a calorie?
Father: A calorie is a unit of flavor.
–Five Guys Burgers, Brooklyn
Obese girl, sweetly, to even bigger boyfriend: Honey, you're taking up two seats.
Boyfriend, very earnestly: Oh! Sorry, baby!
(he condenses his mass from three seats to two)
–7 Train
Size 10 policewoman: Ya know, I gotta gain some weight.
Size 14-plus policewoman: Ya can have some o' me, anytime.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Could'a Been A Contender
Bulimic girl #1: I heard of this cleansing diet with lemonade and cayenne pepper.
Bulimic girl #2: Yeah, it gets rid of all the shit in your body.
–Sushi Restaurant
Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.
–Lafayette & Walker
Overheard by: Jesse G.
