Student: This case is about Chadha, who was born in Kenya to Indian parents–
Professor, interrupting: –But is that relevant to his deportation proceeding?
Student: It’s relevant to why nobody wants him.
–Fordham Law School
Student: This case is about Chadha, who was born in Kenya to Indian parents–
Professor, interrupting: –But is that relevant to his deportation proceeding?
Student: It’s relevant to why nobody wants him.
–Fordham Law School
Young English teacher: So, what are the physically detrimental effects of plagiarism?
Student #1: Well, if you have very strict parents and you get caught, then they might skin you.
Student #2: Or if you copy it off your friend and get caught, they might skin you, too.
Young English teacher, excitedly: Right! Plagiarism can lead to mass skinnings.
–Stuyvesant High
French exchange student, pointing at American flag on school: Why are there so many flags?
Host mother: Well, there are flags on public buildings, and that’s a public school.
French exchange student: Is it a good school?
Host mother: No.
French exchange student: Is it bad, like in the movie?
Host mother: Not that bad, but not good.
–Houston & 7th Ave South
Girl #1, studying for math exam: I still don’t get it.
Girl #2: What I’m saying is that this statement has nothing to do with a croissant coming out of my ass.
Girl #1: Oh, okay.
Girl #2: Yeah, that’s the only way I can remember how to do the problem.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don’t think so because I am pretty strong.
–NYU
Overheard by: Ting
Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class… I miss the Percocet.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!
–NYU
Professor: Don’t get too excited — I’m not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking ‘Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?’
–Fordham University
Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I’ll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by… doing drugs or something [leaves room].
–Waverly Building, NYU
Overheard by: evanescent
English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word ‘pus.’
–Hunter College
Overheard by: upperwestsider
Little boy: How much farther is it?
Father: Well, we’re on 116th now…
Little boy: Oh, no! I don’t wanna do math now!
Father: And we’re going to 112th… What do you think?
Little boy, sighing heavily: Okay… 116 minus 112… That’s three streets!
Father: No…
Little boy, halting and releasing father’s hand: What do you mean, ‘No’?! Hey! Come back here!
–116th & Broadway
Bimbette #1: I hate Chapter Three! Why do we have to do Chapter Three?!
Bimbette #2: No way! I love Chapter Three!
Professor: Then why don’t you marry it?
–Algebra class, City College
Overheard by: maybe she will
Chick #1: My gym teachers always let us sit and read.
Chick #2: What does that work out?
Chick #1: Um, your mind.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: your humble narrator
Ghetto teen #1: He got like a 3.8 or somethin’, and nigga cried.
Ghetto teen #2, to black girl squealing with laughter: You think it’s funny, bitch?
–A train, 168th St
