Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Crazy hobo to passing Fordham students: Y’all crazy motherfuckers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn education. Y’all don’t need no education. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dollars! Look at me — I got no education, and I turned out just fine.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: one of those mothafuckers

Wheelbo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: MBS

Hobo: I need money for alcohol, drugs, and a hooker… Hey, at least I’m not bullshitting you.

–35th & 4th

Hobo, as girl nearby drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Somebody dropped their Torah!

–E train

Hobo, to passing suit: Hey, asshole, why don’t you get a job like everyone else, and stop taking my money?!

–34th & 8th

Posted on February 27, 2008
Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Education, Fordham, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, News, On the Subway, Panhandling, Wheelbos

Which Explains Why I’m So Unrealistic

Girl #1: I really like where I live now. Where do you want to live after school? Brooklyn Heights?
Girl #2: I want to live on the Upper East Side, far away from the subway… I plan on cabbing everywhere.
Girl #1: That can get really expensive.
Girl #2: I lived frugally all through undergrad. I plan on living large.
Girl #1: What are you studying, again?
Girl #2: Literature.

–26th & 1st

Overheard by: goodbye blue monday

Posted on February 23, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Students, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Happy to Be Warm

Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Last-minute shopper

Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!

–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square

Teacher: Let’s go to hell!

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Geneva

Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…

–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: David

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Assholes, Crazies, Crazy, Drugs, Education, Hobos, Hospitals, Insults, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Psychology, Religion, School, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Women

But You Know “Annotated Bibliography”?

Student #1: I finally finished that annotated bibliography.
Student #2: Oh, that’s not due until Thursday.
Student #1: Thursday?
Student #2: Yeah, didn’t you get the e-mail?
Student #1: E-mail?!
Student #2: Well, it was mentioned in class on Tuesday.
Student #1: Class?!

–NYU

Posted on February 15, 2008
Education, Gripes, NYU, Students, Words

Shakespeare Makes Everybody Feel Like That

Girl: Jordan*, are you in the special English class, too?
Jordan: Yeah.
Girl: Why are we in that class? Is it something like an advanced class?
Jordan: No, it’s more like a retard class…

–Times Square

Posted on February 5, 2008
Education, Insults, Retardation, Students, Times Square

I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You

College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!

–The Strand, Union Square

Overheard by: neongensis

Posted on January 31, 2008
Drugs, Education, Offers and requests, Stoners, Students, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Yeaaahhh College!

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown