Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?

–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.

–Elevator, 34th & 1st

Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.

–House party, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!

–Orchard, near Rivington

Overheard by: losaida

Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.

–G train

Overheard by: Jordan

TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Star

Posted on March 19, 2008
Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Condoms, Default, Education, Elevators, Etiquette, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Kids, Ladies Who Lunch, Lower East Side, Marriage, Masturbation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, S&M, Street, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Words

But You’ll Disregard This Ex Parte Communication.

Law student #1: Don’t judge me — I am just trying to learn!
Law student #2: I’m not judging you. I’m also trying to learn. [Law student #1 leaves room.]Law student #3: For someone who studies all the time, he sure doesn’t get it.

–NYU School of Law

Posted on March 18, 2008
Default, Education, Gripes, NYU, Students

Is Our Children Learning?

UES wife: So, what do you do?
20-something guy: I teach high school math.
UES husband: Oh, where at?
UES wife: Stuyvesant?
20-something guy: Um, no. It’s called ‘City-As-School.’
UES wife: Ohhh, is that one of those ‘special’ high schools?
20-something guy: I guess. Well, I mean, they’re all special.

–ICE, 6th & 23rd

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on March 17, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Couples, Default, Education, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Questions

Sometimes Wednesday One-Liners Like to Play by Themselves

Teacher: Well, I guess it’s just Vomit and Dildo Day here in screen writing class.

–SVA Building, 21st St

Black queer to Chinese server: You tell Steve that he better come over and pick up his dildo or I’ma kick his ass!

–Christopher & Greenwich St

Overheard by: Justin Tang

Middle-aged stagehand to another: All I know is that I need to get a lot more KY jelly before next week.

–Striking stagehand picket line, Broadway

Dude to chick: You’ll have to wear a dildo…

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Elegant lady: That’s really one of the two great stories of your childhood, the other one being when I walked into Yhe Pleasure Chest and said, ‘Can you recommend a good vibrator for a child?’ Suddenly everyone got very quiet and still, and I gasped and said, ‘Oh, no, not like that! It’s just that… I’m a Greenwich Village mom, and she’s been using the electric toothbrush!’ They were much friendlier once they thought I was the sort of person who was going to go down the street to the market and buy some spinach, and not a dangerous pervert.

–Park Ave Bistro

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Bearded guy, excitedly: True! But what a vibrator that would be!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Argopelter

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Education, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Then What’s with This Erotic Stick Figure?

Spanish teacher, reading student’s homework: What?! What is this?! Novia? You’re going to ride your girlfriend?
Student: Doesn’t that mean ‘ferris wheel’?

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: No, he meant girlfriend

Posted on March 4, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Education, Language Barrier, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

Everything They Need to Know They Learned from Tom Cruise Movies

Dude #1: I wish I could just retire and do whatever I wanted. I’d go to Yale Law School.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, man. I’d move to the Caribbean and bartend.

–New Haven Line

Overheard by: I can see why they’re such good friends

Posted on March 2, 2008
Default, Education, Guys, On the Subway, Travel, Wishes & desires

Sorry, I Mean, “Invoke Your First Miranda Right”

Guy, after Bar results: Oh, hi there.
Girl: Hi.
Guy: So…
Girl: So… Big day.
Guy: Yeah. It’s big. Big day.
Simultaneously to one another: So you’re…
Girl: Happy?
Guy: Um. Yeah. Pretty happy. You?
Girl: I’m happy!
Together: Yeah!
Hobo: Shut the fuck up!

–5 train

Posted on March 2, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, Hobos, On the Subway

Hey, I Didn’t Vote for Him

Loud woman: That nigga stupid!
Friend: You right.
Loud woman: Nah, he worse than stupid. That nigga retarded! Re-tar-ded!
Friend: He didn’t even get good grades in college!

–F train

Posted on February 29, 2008
Default, Education, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Women

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Crazy hobo to passing Fordham students: Y’all crazy motherfuckers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn education. Y’all don’t need no education. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dollars! Look at me — I got no education, and I turned out just fine.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: one of those mothafuckers

Wheelbo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: MBS

Hobo: I need money for alcohol, drugs, and a hooker… Hey, at least I’m not bullshitting you.

–35th & 4th

Hobo, as girl nearby drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Somebody dropped their Torah!

–E train

Hobo, to passing suit: Hey, asshole, why don’t you get a job like everyone else, and stop taking my money?!

–34th & 8th