40-Something man: Nice Kermit tie. Now all you need are Kermit socks.
50-Something man: But no one would see them! Plus, my boss would be mad I’m stealing all his cool. My Aunt Trudy used to wear funky socks like that, and whenever all the kids would be at her house, they would surround her and laugh at her socks.
40-Something man: That’s cool!
–A train
Overheard by: So iheart your face
Gay flight attendant, frantically running down aisle: Excuse me! Coming through. Scusa, signore. Excuse me, I need to get the back of the plane. It’s an emergency! Excuse me!! [Runs past woman, stops, walks back.] Oh my God, your scarf is fabulous; did you buy it in Venice?
Woman’s husband: Did you say there was an emergency?
Gay flight attendant: Not as big as the one that’ll happen if I don’t get that scarf!
–flight into JFK
Guy #1 (wearing do-rag): You know why I wear this shit, man?
Guy #2: Nah, man, why?
Guy #1: Because I love the stare. I love it when some dumb white guy stares at me and asks why I wear this so I can curse the shit out of that mothafucka!
–14th & 1st
Kid behind a guy in a Fubu jersey: Dad, who’s Fubu?
Dad: That’s the guy’s name, son
–Penn Station
Girl #1: Ben’s hot, but I think he’s gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don’t think he’s gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
–Central Park
Girl: I did, I saw Uma Thurman in Les Mis.
Guy: She wasn’t in Les Mis.
Girl: Not on stage, on TV.
Guy: She wasn’t in Les Mis on TV.
Girl: I thought it was her, or someone else with that cross-eyed look.
–42nd & 8th
Guy #1: I think she’s Mexican.
Guy #2: Nah, she can’t be Mexican, I’ve been there, they cute but short.
Guy #1: Yeah, now that you mention it, she is a little too tall to be Mexican, but I don’t care, I’ll still hit it.
Guy #2: I’ll hit it and help her get her papers if she doesn’t have them. I’m all for amnesty in the name of getting laid.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Tydestra, who speaks English
Hipster looking at parade thug boy wearing flag: Oh look, it’s Puerto Rican Superman.
Hipster’s mom: Shhhh! He heard you.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Judy
College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.
–All About Food, NYU
Overheard by: Pri
Guy: Did you hear back from the modeling agency?
Girl: Yeah, it was Foot Fetish Palace. I have to call them back.
Guy: Oh my god you’re in porn?! This is why we’re friends.
–20th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: I’m just trying to get to the theatre
