Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!
She slaps her daughter’s wrist.
Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!
–Lord and Taylor
Hipster #1: Oh look, a Boston Terrier!
Hipster #2: Boston Terriers are so last year…
–Bedford, Williamsburg
Girl: You have got to go inside and tell my boyfriend not to get the nose ring. A real one’s OK, but a fake is just stupid.
–St. Mark’s Place
Little punk rock guy to tall hipster guy, sarcastically: Nice beard.
Tall hipster guy: Yeah, you want me to smash your face!
Little punk rock guy: Shit nigga, now I wish I had a beard to absorb that shit.
–Union Pool Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: lil pirate
NYU boy, about man with cane and sunglasses: Why do all blind people have to wear sunglasses?
NYU girl: Isn’t it all part of the persona?
NYU boy: What, like they don’t want me to see their eyes?
NYU girl: I guess. And like how they wear baggy pants and FUBU shit.
NYU boy, slowly, after long pause: I said ‘blind people.’
–F train, 14th St
Overheard by: Lindsay
Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they’re tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe.
–22nd & 6th
Queer: My pants are so tight they’re soundproof!
–Bleecker & West 11th
Overheard by: Justin
Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Female tourist: Oh, look! American Apparel!
Friend: Is that the only one?
–5th & 19th
Overheard by: nate
Girl #1: I was thinking about getting Slim-Fast, because I thought I needed it, but now I only drink water…Oh, and orange juice!
Girl #2: …And lots of beer and liquor.
Girl #1: Oh yeah, and lots of beer and liquor.
–G train
Overheard by: Richard Blakeley
Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That’s terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he’s, like, really from New York.
–LaGuardia Airport
