Little punk rock guy to tall hipster guy, sarcastically: Nice beard.
Tall hipster guy: Yeah, you want me to smash your face!
Little punk rock guy: Shit nigga, now I wish I had a beard to absorb that shit.

–Union Pool Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: lil pirate

NYU boy, about man with cane and sunglasses: Why do all blind people have to wear sunglasses?
NYU girl: Isn’t it all part of the persona?
NYU boy: What, like they don’t want me to see their eyes?
NYU girl: I guess. And like how they wear baggy pants and FUBU shit.
NYU boy, slowly, after long pause: I said ‘blind people.’

–F train, 14th St

Overheard by: Lindsay

Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they’re tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe. 

–22nd & 6th

Queer: My pants are so tight they’re soundproof! 

–Bleecker & West 11th

Overheard by: Justin 

Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”

–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A

Female tourist: Oh, look! American Apparel!
Friend: Is that the only one?

–5th & 19th

Overheard by: nate

Girl #1: I was thinking about getting Slim‐Fast, because I thought I needed it, but now I only drink water…Oh, and orange juice!
Girl #2: …And lots of beer and liquor.
Girl #1: Oh yeah, and lots of beer and liquor.

–G train

Overheard by: Richard Blakeley

Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That’s terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he’s, like, really from New York. 

–LaGuardia Airport

Suit #1: I haven’t had a regular check up in years, but I’ve had about five MRIs. There’s a lot going on in my head.
Suit #2: Yeah, everything but a full head of hair!

–6 train

Girl #1: Do you vaguely resemble an elephant?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Do you vaguely resemble an elephant?
Girl #2: I have no idea.
Girl #1: So you’re not Snuffleupagus?
Girl #2: No, I’m not.
Hobo: Ask her if she’s horny!
Girl #1: Are you an actor?
Girl #2: No.
Hobo: Ask her if she’s horny!
Girl #1: Dammit, um–
Hobo: You might be surprised!

–1 train

Overheard by: emzor

Girl #1: I don’t like that picture. It looks like I just had sex.
Girl #2: Yeah, and I look like I just had it with you.

–6 train