Fashion

Lady: I don’t like to parallel park…it messes up my hair.

–61st & Madison

Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.

–L train

Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn’t fucking bartending! It sucked!

–61st & 3rd

Chinese chick: Oh, I don’t watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?

–B6 bus

Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?

–Penn Station

Girl: I don’t know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I’ll be honest, sometimes they just don’t do it for me.

–2 train

Punk chick: …hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Chick: You’re not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don’t wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Domi & Rachel

Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?

–1st Avenue & 10th Street

Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?

–47th & 9th

Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.

–Brooklyn Heights

Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.

–F train

Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Vic Payback

Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?

–LIRR

Overheard by: CMichaels

Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

Unkempt facial hair guy: What kinds of clubs are you going to these days?
Bald guy with glasses: Oh, you know, ones where they wear body glitter and talk bullshit.

–3rd Avenue & 9th Street

Overheard by: Nico Westerdale

Guy: I have to be careful about my bag; yesterday I put it down and then stepped to the side and some woman started yelling at me, saying, “You know, it’s 2005 now, I have no problem taking that bag and throwing it off the train.” And I was like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and she said, “I’m not, I’m protecting myself and the rest of the passengers.”
Woman: The terror alert has been elevated to Birkin.

–Times Square shuttle

Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!

–Empire State Building

Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?

–Times Square

Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.

–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: rehey11

Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

Black man: What is that, a raincoat? You should hang onto that. You never know when it might come back into style.

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Palaverist

Driver: Step allll the way in the back please! All the way in the back! There’s some cheese and crackers there.

–M42 bus

Overheard by: Vas Sloutchevsky

Puerto Rican chick: That mothafucka’s crazy. I ain’t puttin’ that in my butt.

–B46 bus

Overheard by: Jennifer Hess

Teen girl #1: Noooo! Getting your cooch pierced be a bad idea. You know how much that shit hurts?
Teen girl #2: No shit! That’s why I’m gonna be on E at the time. You think I’m stupid enough to do it sober?

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: Djlindee

Girl: Damn, those headphones are fucking ghetto!
Boy: Shut up, they’re not that bad.
Girl: Um, actually they’re beyond ghetto. They’re…backyard.

–Penn Station

Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to!

–Sullivan & W. 3rd

Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right…

–Lincoln Center

Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club!

–Times Square