Fashion

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Left Behind

Girl: This has sterile in it. I can’t buy this; I’m allergic to sterile.

–Duane Reade, 17th & 3rd

Overheard by: mk

American woman, to Arab cashier: What, you didn’t understand what I said? Man, you illiterate.

–Classon Ave, Brooklyn

Chick: I mean, I wasn’t really mentally thinking about it.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Frat boy: Why do they call it “Steak Shack” when it doesn’t sell steaks?

–Shake Shack, Madison Sq Park

Drunk teen girl, raising her beer: Here’s to independence…and the only country that’s got it!

–Waterside Plaza

Overheard by: David Slone

Teen girl: Rebecca wanted to get brown. But brown is such a black color…Well, not that it’s black. But you know.

–D train

Overheard by: Rachel

Young guy to his girlfriend: Shut your fuckin’ mouth when you’re talking to me!

–Outside of K-mart, Astor Place

Overheard by: snap snap

It’s an Elephant Bending Over

Shiksa, to Jewish friend wearing a chai necklace: What exactly is your necklace? I’m trying to decide if it’s an elephant or someone bending over.

–Starbucks, Upper West Side

Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

How About a Rubber Nun’s Habit With a Kicky Red Headband?

Fashionista #1: We really spent a lot of money on ourselves today.
Fashionista #2: Yeah, we did some damage.
Fashionista #1: Next week we need to, like–
Fashionista #2: –Do charity work?
Fashionista #1, laughing: Seriously. Can we buy something cute for that?

–50th & 5th

Overheard by: Amused

Witty Repartee Is One of the First Things to Go When the Brain Doesn’t Get Enough Glucose

Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn’t afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn’t afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]

–Uptown E train

She Also Misplaced Her Invisible Airplane and Her Golden Lasso of Truth

Fat girl: So I think I lost my favorite jeans.
Friend: What jeans?
Fat girl: You know, the ones that make my ass look small.
Friend: Honey, you can’t lose something that doesn’t exist.

–Union Square

J.Crew Summer ’06: The Perfect Khakis For Aimlessly Muttering One’s Way to the Grave

Club kid #1: Yeah, we should make our own clothes, but we need to learn to make patterns.
Club kid #2: My grandma used to know how, but now she has Alzheimer’s.
Clubkid #1: That should make her designs more creative!

–7th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Mark

The Fallout Girls Come to an Agreement

Woman #1: On days as hot as this, it’s okay not to wear panties!
Woman #2: I don’t know about that. I like to keep it all in there.
Woman #3: Yeah, I agree. I don’t want anything to be drippin’.

–Willoughby & Carlton, Brooklyn

Overheard by: BZD

The One Where Ross and Chandler Fix the Boss Up With Aunt Trudy

40-Something man: Nice Kermit tie. Now all you need are Kermit socks.
50-Something man: But no one would see them! Plus, my boss would be mad I’m stealing all his cool. My Aunt Trudy used to wear funky socks like that, and whenever all the kids would be at her house, they would surround her and laugh at her socks.
40-Something man: That’s cool!

–A train

Overheard by: So iheart your face

As a Fetus, He Redecorated the Uterus

Gay flight attendant, frantically running down aisle: Excuse me! Coming through. Scusa, signore. Excuse me, I need to get the back of the plane. It’s an emergency! Excuse me!! [Runs past woman, stops, walks back.] Oh my God, your scarf is fabulous; did you buy it in Venice?
Woman’s husband: Did you say there was an emergency?
Gay flight attendant: Not as big as the one that’ll happen if I don’t get that scarf!

–flight into JFK

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