Boyfriend returning from bathroom: That corn from the enchiladas last night came right out — like corn ass soup.
Girlfriend, eating a pretzel: Goddammit, baby, I’m eating. I don’t want to hear about you cumming up my nose, or corn ass soup.
–Central Park
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
Boyfriend: No, sorry. [Hobo walks away.] That’s the second person to ask me for money today already.
Girlfriend: Yeah, people are really poor today.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amber
Tween girl #1, trudging through snow: What’s with this weather? It’s so annoying.
Tween girl #2: Yeah. Weren’t we having global warming? Let’s stop recycling or something.
–110th & Broadway
Guy: Stop taking napkins!
Girl, continuing to take napkins: The problem is that Anna keeps stealing all my underwear!
–Smiling Pizza, Brooklyn
Overheard by: megan cuervo
Boyfriend about loud passing motorcycle: You know, guys who clean their pipes like that have small genitalia.
Girlfriend: Well… I’m not so sure about that.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Bob who likes to walk
Frustrated boyfriend: Stop acting stupid!
Frantic girlfriend: I’m not acting!
–A train
Overheard by: SarahJ
Girl: What? It’s not so messed up. He wanted to kill him, because he killed his girlfriend.
Guy: Um…
Girl: What? If someone killed me, you wouldn’t want to kill him?
Guy: Well… There’s no way I’m getting out of this conversation well, is there?
–PATH train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Boyfriend: Wha– what?
Girlfriend: Weren’t you listening?
Boyfriend: I’m really excited to see Social D tonight. I haven’t been paying attention for the last hour.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Girlfriend: I don’t know, wouldn’t that be sort of… unethical?
Boyfriend: No, it’s not! We just need to adjust our standards.
–Central Park
