Nah, She’s Faking the Hysteria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sorry, I just can’t be with you anymore. You’re too clingy.
Girlfriend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten other guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dating?
Girlfriend: Whatever, it was because you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my orgasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t water balloons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a motherfucking-packed subway. Second of all, being a crazy bitch isn’t going to help your case.
Girlfriend starts crying hysterically: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re thinking of killing yourself after this, I sell knives.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Posted on June 9, 2019
Boyfriends, Breaking Up, Girlfriends

Wednesday One-Liners Looked Better in the Previews

Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human!

–Lower West Side

Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs!

–13th St & University

Overheard by: Jaimie

Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack."

–City Cinemas, E 86th St

Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right?

–NYU

Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this

Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on January 24, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drugs, Film, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Movie Theaters, Movies, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Thugs, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the only man that will ever love you!
Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!

–Broadway & Wall St.

Posted on January 18, 2019
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Guys, Infidelity, Insults, Love, Questions, Relationships, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It Was on the Guido Licensing Exam!

Boyfriend: It’s called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We’re fucking Italian!

–Mulberry St, Little Italy

Posted on January 10, 2019
Boyfriends, Default, Girlfriends, Global Geography, Guidettes, Guidos, Little Italy, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Who'll Have the Last Laugh When the Messiah Pops Out?

Girlfriend: I'm not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What's wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

Posted on December 13, 2018
Boyfriends, Christianity, Default, Girlfriends, Hand-Jobs, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Virginity

“Creative” Is a Euphemism for “Ignorant”

Overly talkative man, after seeing “transparent monument” exhibit: I saw a white cloud and a gray cloud but I didn't see no black cloud…If I was Native American I would see a red cloud!
Man's Asian girlfriend: Or a purple one!
Overly talkative man: What?!

–Elevator, The Met

Overheard by: liselle boyette

Posted on November 19, 2018
Asians, Colors, Elevators, Girlfriends, Men, Race, The Met, Visual Art

Might Want to Take Off Those Ankle Weights

Young lady: Fuck you, motherfucker!
Boyfriend: C'mon, baby, she dint mean nuttin' to me.
Young lady: That's it. You ain't gettin' it no more! I wouldn't fuck you with the cat's pussy!
Boyfriend: Alright den, the hell with you! Bye–but dem legs are gonna bring you down!

–Queens Bus Stop

Posted on October 18, 2018
Boyfriends, Breaking Up, Default, Girlfriends, Insults, Queens, Relationships, Sex, We Love Our Pets

Like the One From That Spanking Movie

Girlfriend: I just don’t know what else I’d do for a career. I don’t know how to do anything else.
Boyfriend: That’s silly. You’d be a great secretary!

[Pause]

Boyfriend: What? I mean like a high powered executive secretary.

–1st & 1st

Posted on October 15, 2018
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Manhattan, People, Places, Topics

I Think I've Realized What I Want for Dessert

Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.

–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd

Posted on August 26, 2018
Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Eating Out, Girlfriends, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Your Heteronormativity Stings, Dude!

Thug in truck to guy kissing his girlfriend: Oh, get a room dude!
Guy kissing his girlfriend: Get a girl!

–82nd St

Posted on March 13, 2018
Comebacks, Girlfriends, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Street, Thugs

Girlfriends