Guy #1: So, I’m thinking about getting circumcised.
Guy #2: Oh, okay then.
–Elevator, 181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Guy #1: So, I’m thinking about getting circumcised.
Guy #2: Oh, okay then.
–Elevator, 181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Guy #1: Yeah man, she’s kind of a hippie. I mean, her name is Maple.
Guy #2: Maple? You should tap that shit.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: thejosh
Waiter: May I take your orders, or do you need a few more minutes?
Guy: Um, we had a waitress come by and take our drink orders…
Waiter: Yes, well, I can take your food order if you’re ready.
Guy: What happened to our waitress?
Waiter: She quit.
–Aquavit, East 55th Street
Overheard by: Not telling
Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.
–Grand Central
Girl: I talked to Jackie. She got some kind of bug in India!
Guy: Oh, no! What happened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: Whatever, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shitting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laughing, that is not funny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doctor asked her to bring in a stool sample and she was shitting so much that she brought one in a half hour later. The doctors were like, “What the fuck?”.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
Guy: Wait, you had anal sex?
Girl: Yeah. It really hurt.
Guy: Well, what did you expect? Why did you do it?
Girl: You have to try everything once, just as my mother told me.
Guy: I don’t think you’re meant to include anal.
–Umi Sushi, 2nd Avenue
Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2-3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–
He taps his hand on his chest.
Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Overheard by: Katie
Hipster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Facebook pictures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hipster boy: Really? You should.
Hipster girl: I’m checking them right now.
Hipster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pictures of my penis on there.
Hipster girl: Oh, I’m used to that.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Guy #1: What are you trying to do?
Guy #2: Have your babies.
Guy #1: Mad babies?
Guy #2: Mabies.
–Rubin Hall elevator, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: danie
Dude: Don't take your drink in the bathroom with you, that's gross.
Chick: Well, I'm not going to pee in it, I'm going to drink it while I pee!
–Blind Tiger Ale House, Bleecker Street
