Happiness

Wendy's Bipolar Puberty Should Be Entertaining

Six-year-old girl, holding hands with her mom: It feels like we are going the wrong way.
Mother: I think we are going the right way.
Six-year-old girl: Yeah, it also feels like we are going the right way, at the same time. That's weird! (giggles) Sometimes, I feel sad and happy at the same time. Isn't that weird? (more giggles)
Mother: That's not weird, honey. Mommy often feels happy and sad; that's why I need my afternoon nap every day.
Six-year-old girl: I only want to be happy, mom.
Mother: Me too…

–6th Ave & 4th St

Overheard by: Brett

If the Amish Had an Entrance Exam

Mom to three-year-old daughter: Does it make you feel nice and happy and yummy and lovely when you go on the computer all day, or does it make you feel icky and sticky and ugly and stupid?
Three-year-old daughter, thinking: Ummmm… it depends.

–E 86th St

Overheard by: Sarah

“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

We Wish You a Hi-Def Year With Surround Sound, Dear Reader

Eight-year-old boy, screaming before midnight: Haaaaappy New Yearrrrrrr! Haaaappy New Year!
Drunk partygoers across the street: Haaaaappy New Year!
30-something: This is so overwhelming.

–Ocean Parkway & Neptune

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

And My Mom Said I'd Never Meet a Sweet Girl!

Yuppie chick: You want the rest of my soda?
Yuppie guy: Sure! You didn't put anything in it, did you?
Yuppie chick: I pooed in it.
Yuppie guy: Oh, in that case… (takes a sip)
Yuppie chick: You didn't know I excreted caramel syrup, did you?
Yuppie guy: I'm so happy I have you in my life!

–54th St & Lexington

Also a Major Drawback Of Christianity

Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.

–Kohl's Store

Overheard by: ho ho ho

And You Call Yourself a Kardashian?

Drunk girl to another: There's like 7 miles of cock out there and I can't even get 7 inches.
Friend: I'd be happy with 4 inches.

–Chaos Club

I Know You're Depressed When You Try to Stab Me

30-something babe, seconds before stop: I'm so happy.
40-something metrosexual: I know, it shows.
(she gets up)
40-something metrosexual: Yeah, when you ignore me on the train it's always a good sign.

–F Train

Ann Coulter: See? See?

Dude: So what's up, man?
Homeboy: Same old grind man, you?
Dude: What's up with your girl?
Homeboy, all smiley: Oh, man! She just miscarried, thank god! I couldn't be happier, dun!
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Homeboy: Yeah, it was great! Thank god!
Dude: Okay. Peace, man.
Homeboy: Still smiling, no doubt kid, one!

–Bedford Ave & Myrtle Ave

Overheard by: krillz

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