Drunk guy: Vinny! Stop right there! [Vinny keeps walking.] Turn around! Stop walking! [Vinny ignores him.] Vinny, if you ever come in my house again and do that I will rape your mother!
–Outside Connie O’s Pub, Greenpoint
Headline by: Dave
Runners-Up:
· “And your little dog, too!” – Mandaliet
· “I’m just getting your pills, Grandpa.” – Anonymous
· “Look Where It Got You Last Time, Dad!” – Max Million
· “Red light/Green light: Hardcore rules” – travis
Columbia dude #1: B-b-but, but, dude, she asked me why I shaved my balls.
Columbia dude #2: Shhh!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Headline by: Kris
Runners-Up:
· “…Next Time Don’t Walk Around Your Mom’s House Naked” – RBNY
· “A Secret Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman” – Vasyl
· “Best Job Interview Ever” – Rajath Vikram
· “Hopefully his hand doesn’t stutter like that when he’s shaving” – Peter B
· “Testicular Aerodynamics Under Fire” – Matt
Homeless man: You need to pray to Jesus everyday. Do you thank Jesus for your food or your family or the newspaper? The devil is killing you through newspapers and the media. Are you thankful to Jesus? He loves you if you talk to him everyday.
Queer: I would be thankful to Jesus if you would stop shouting in my ear so I can listen to Beyonce’s newest album.
–N train
Overheard by: Brina Guild
Headline by: kempadimes
Runners-Up:
· “Is my Savior too bootylicious?” – Mdaneman
· “Jesulicious” – Mark Schilsky
· “Jesus loves me, this I know. A fucking hobo tells me so.” – Extra Character
· “Jesus saves souls, not careers” – Megan
· “Some messiahs are so high-maintenance” – N. A. Cargo
Young woman: Hi, I am looking for a good bronzer powder. Can you help me?
Employee: I don’t know, I don’t have your skin color.
–Sephora
Headline by: TM
Runners-Up:
· “Here’s a box of crayons, be creative!” – Steve
· “Neither do I, that’s what the bronzer’s for.” – Dave
· “Or an IQ over 64………” – Cooter
· “The customer is always irrelevant” – Janet E.
· “Why training videos aren’t made on Fridays anymore” – so pale
· “Zombies are so hard to work with” – TP
Frat boy #1: It’s so f-in’ cold in here.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, where’s the global warming when you need it?
–Subway restaurant near Wall St
Headline by: Dave Faith
Runners-Up:
· “Dubya’s College Years Were Ripe With Wit” – Katie
· “It’s Busy Killing Your Grandchildren” – bowloftoast
· “It’s Busy Melting the Pounds Off Jared” – David Bowers
· “It’s Truly Inconvenient” – Nicolbee
· “Just wait a few years and it’ll be wireless” – karl
Girl #1: What did you get?
Girl #2: Just some blank CDs at Virgin.
Girl #1: Oh, really? Any good ones?
–Union Square
Headline by: mkb
Runners-Up:
· “And by blank CDs I mean ninja stars” – Circuit City Ginzu
· “I Hear That CD-R Is Going to Hit It Big Some Day” – Amanda
· “Someone Needs Her Neurons Popped” – adam a. n.
· “Yeah, This John Cage Anthology Fucking Rules” – t.a.m.s.y.
Man #1 after being cut off by Man #2: You ignoramus!
Man #2: I don’t know what that is — just call me an ‘asshole’!
–Parking garage
Overheard by: Man #1’s giggling nephew
Headline by: Nick T.
Runners-Up:
· “Can We Settle on ‘Ignoranus?'” – Sara G.
· “Just as long as you call me!” – Rob Graham
· “Let’s compromise on “Poopy Cerebellum”” – Matt Koff
· “Remember? No More Than Two Syllables For New Yorkers!!” – Jen
Hairdresser #1: So, you’re a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don’t really get into the details.
–East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn
Overheard by: brooklyn blonde
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· “I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ” – katcob
· “I’m just into the hating Jews part.” – DaveO
· “I’m more about the accessories” – Ty
· “Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season.” – eyp
· “Neither does the President.” – Becca
Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.
Headline by: International Man of Leisure
Runners-Up:
· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar
· “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren
· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster
· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W
· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine
Girl #1: So I hear you’re single again.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s great. I can stop shaving my ass!
–Outside Starbucks, Times Square
Headline by: Marsha Mellow
Runners-Up:
· “Donkey Breathes Sigh of Relief” – Mike Curry
· “Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Shorn” – Adrianne
· “It was the happiest day of Mother Teresa’s life.” – Dave
· “Oh, good, Oprah is back on the market!” – Anna
· “So easy, even a caveman can do it!” – waxes!
· “When she’s dating again she’ll cut it all off and donate it to cancer victims” – Peter B
· “You’re Not Gonna Stop Shaving Mine, Are You?” – Trey Jackson
