Fat woman: Where do you want to eat?
Fat man: I don’t know. I’m kind of in the mood for Pizza Hut.
Fat woman: But Wendy’s is healthier…
–14th St
Fat woman: Where do you want to eat?
Fat man: I don’t know. I’m kind of in the mood for Pizza Hut.
Fat woman: But Wendy’s is healthier…
–14th St
Woman: Why do they have to call it the ‘feminine care aisle’?
Friend: I know! Why can’t they just write ‘Tampons’?
–CVS, Park Ave South
Guy: I wish my parents had circumcised me… I want to be cut, but I can’t imagine going through the pain now.
Pal: Yeah, glad I don’t have that hanging over my head…
–NYU
Overheard by: TMan
Miniskirt #1: I feel so swollen.
Miniskirt #2: Oh my god! Swollen!
Miniskirt #3: Swollen!
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jessica
Old lady: Do you sell cigarettes?
Clerk, in disbelief: Lady, this is a health food store.
Old lady: Okayyy, but do you sell the healthy kind? You know, the organic kind?
–House of Health, 71st & Lex
Overheard by: Jillcorp
Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Wrong place right time
Headline by: Jon A.
Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW
JAP: There’s a smelly girl sitting next to me… Why don’t people like taking showers?
Hipster: Maybe she’s organic… We have this lady that’s organic here. I try to stay away from her. And not because she smells… Because I’m a carnivore.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Omnivorist
Girl #1: I think I have to stop eating cheese.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I get this really awful nasal drip and it makes me cough so bad that sometimes I even throw up!
Girl #2: That happens because of cheese?
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s also because of drinking and smoking… But I can figure out other ways to eat, but I don’t know how else to get fucked up!
–Stir Cafe
Overheard by: Tom Banjo
Hipster guy: It’s so weird, because I’m a musician and a health freak!
Hipster girl: Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: A cute Asian girl :)
Black queer on stretcher: Careful with me, darlings, I has a light bulb up my ass!
Bystander in ER: I hope it’s one of those energy-saving, compact, fluorescent light bulbs.
–Beekman Downtown Hospital
Overheard by: Big Larry
