Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy to man with over-stuffed backpack: Yo, what you got in that big-ass bag?
Backpack guy: Nothing good.
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy: Got any marijuana? [As backpack guy nears] Damn, whiteboy! You kinda big… I ain’t gonna fuck with you!
–Near subway entrance, NW Union Square
Overheard by: matt
Hobo: Could you please spare some change for Christmas? Merry Christmas?
Yuppie: I have something for you, my friend! I have some fruitcake!
–West 4th St
Overheard by: Liane Graham
Hobo: You go to USC? I used to go there, man. Of course, I didn’t graduate… Don’t major in Chemistry. Also, don’t smoke crack.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: not planning on it
Conductor: If you do not fit through the physics of the train, please step aside — this train is not made of spandex.
–F train
Overheard by: BellaFrancine
Bimbette: I could change the world if I just opened my Biology book.
–Dorm room, Columbia campus
Overheard by: college girl
Elegant 20-ish black chick on cell: Do you truly expect me to come out to New Jersey so I can drink Rolling Rock? And listen to Matchbox 20? With a bunch of white bitches? Who majored in Psychology? … How many things are wrong with that?
–Salvation Army store, Waverly Place
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Hobo: Why is love so goddamn expensive?
–Outside MoMA
Overheard by: Chris
Drunk ghetto girl screaming into cell: He told me he loved me and this and that… And this and that, dammit! And then his cock was in her, and I was like, ‘Whoa, are you with me or not?!’ So I pulled her weave out and– Hello? Are you still there?
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I just wanted to sleep
WASP suit: The newspaper made me fall in love with Brad Pitt.
–53rd & Lex
Overheard by: not in love with brad pitt
Little girl: I love you, brain.
–87th & York
Girl on cell: Tell your man to stay out of my business, or I’ll break his jaw. I’ll break his jaw again! I don’t need the love of a man, I’ve got my mother and Jesus to fuckin’ love me. I can meet people — I’ve got MySpace, AOL, IM, and I can chat!
–Subway station, Canal St
Crazy hobo: Yo, can I have five dollars?
Girl: Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Crazy hobo: Bitch, I’ll fuck you up! Give me five dollars!
Girl: I’ll give you five dollars when you start respecting me!
Crazy hobo: Give me a dollar?
–7th & Grove
Hobo to girl with two bags and seven textbooks: Damn, girl, where you goin’ wid all dem books? You rob a Barnes and Noble or somethin’? You tryin’a sell your shit, too? Yeah, you know how it is…
Girl: No, I’ve actually spent the last 18 hours in the library studying for my law school exams so I can become an attorney and contribute to society. But I’m sure you know all about that.
Hobo: Yeah, law school ain’t work out for me, neither. How much you sellin’ that New York Peen… Penal… Oh, shit! You learn about dicks and clits and shit in law school?!
–Church St, TriBeCa
Wendy’s cashier: You’re 12 cents short, sir.
Hobo standing in line throws a cup full of change at her: Don’t worry about it!
–Wendy’s
Overheard by: Graham
Drunk singing to tune of ‘Proud Mary’: But I never did the Macarena, and I never caught the gonorrhea…
–Stanton St & Clinton St
Conductor: Folks, I’ve been having a recurring dream that I’d like to share with you. [Singing in high falsetto voice] I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…
–A train
Girl singing at fax machine: I’m bringing faxin’ back, yeah!
–Kinko’s, 54th St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: jarett
Conducter over intercom: This is the last stop on the G train. [Two minutes later, conductor raps over intercom] G train — nah mean? Nice and clean for you bums that stayed on this train.
–G train, Court St
Overheard by: I Just Missed My Stop
Conductor singing over intercom: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the blah blah blah…
–A train
Overheard by: Heather
Panhandler singing: I will pay you back!
–7th Ave & Christopher St
Overheard by: Rolfer
Girl to friend: I don’t know, I’m looking for the right guy to take my virginity.
Hobo: Girl, you ain’t a virgin! Butt-sex does too count!
–34th & 3rd
