We Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Why is love so goddamn expensive?

–Outside MoMA

Overheard by: Chris

Drunk ghetto girl screaming into cell: He told me he loved me and this and that… And this and that, dammit! And then his cock was in her, and I was like, ‘Whoa, are you with me or not?!’ So I pulled her weave out and– Hello? Are you still there?

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I just wanted to sleep

WASP suit: The newspaper made me fall in love with Brad Pitt.

–53rd & Lex

Overheard by: not in love with brad pitt

Little girl: I love you, brain.

–87th & York

Girl on cell: Tell your man to stay out of my business, or I’ll break his jaw. I’ll break his jaw again! I don’t need the love of a man, I’ve got my mother and Jesus to fuckin’ love me. I can meet people — I’ve got MySpace, AOL, IM, and I can chat!

–Subway station, Canal St

Posted on January 24, 2007
Ghetto Chicks, Hobos, Kids, Love, On Cell, Suits

Isn’t That the Going Rate for Disrespectful Persistence?

Crazy hobo: Yo, can I have five dollars?
Girl: Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Crazy hobo: Bitch, I’ll fuck you up! Give me five dollars!
Girl: I’ll give you five dollars when you start respecting me!
Crazy hobo: Give me a dollar?

–7th & Grove

Posted on January 21, 2007
Hobos, Money & Class, The Village

An Attorney? Contribute to Society?

Hobo to girl with two bags and seven textbooks: Damn, girl, where you goin’ wid all dem books? You rob a Barnes and Noble or somethin’? You tryin’a sell your shit, too? Yeah, you know how it is…
Girl: No, I’ve actually spent the last 18 hours in the library studying for my law school exams so I can become an attorney and contribute to society. But I’m sure you know all about that.
Hobo: Yeah, law school ain’t work out for me, neither. How much you sellin’ that New York Peen… Penal… Oh, shit! You learn about dicks and clits and shit in law school?!

–Church St, TriBeCa

Posted on January 18, 2007
Biotechs, Books & Writing, Hobos, School and studying, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Hobo Pay Isn’t Great, but There’s Very Little Overhead

Wendy’s cashier: You’re 12 cents short, sir.
Hobo standing in line throws a cup full of change at her: Don’t worry about it!

–Wendy’s

Overheard by: Graham

Posted on January 14, 2007
Cashiers, Hobos, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Little Dance Number, Too

Drunk singing to tune of ‘Proud Mary’: But I never did the Macarena, and I never caught the gonorrhea…

–Stanton St & Clinton St

Conductor: Folks, I’ve been having a recurring dream that I’d like to share with you. [Singing in high falsetto voice] I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…

–A train

Girl singing at fax machine: I’m bringing faxin’ back, yeah!

–Kinko’s, 54th St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jarett

Conducter over intercom: This is the last stop on the G train. [Two minutes later, conductor raps over intercom] G train — nah mean? Nice and clean for you bums that stayed on this train.

–G train, Court St

Overheard by: I Just Missed My Stop

Conductor singing over intercom: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the blah blah blah…

–A train

Overheard by: Heather

Panhandler singing: I will pay you back!

–7th Ave & Christopher St

Overheard by: Rolfer

Posted on January 10, 2007
Conductors, Drunks, Hobos, Music

Mary: What?

Girl to friend: I don’t know, I’m looking for the right guy to take my virginity.
Hobo: Girl, you ain’t a virgin! Butt-sex does too count!

–34th & 3rd

Posted on January 7, 2007
Backdoor, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Preppies, Virginity

Wasn’t This an Eddie Murphy Skit?

Hobo: You’re all a bunch of cheap people!
Conductor: This is Myrtle Avenue, Wyckoff Avenue. All the cheap people are getting off here.

–M train

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Posted on January 4, 2007
Conductors, History & Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Subway conductors, Topics

Still Better Than the Guys She Meets on eHarmony

Chick #1: Oh, look! That guy totally just whistled at you.
Chick #2: Uh, that’s a hobo.
Chick #1: God, you’re so judgmental. I bet he’s just a free spirit.
Hobo: [Twitches and screams unintelligibly.]

–Union Square

Posted on January 1, 2007
Girls, Hobos, Money & Class, Nice People, Union Square and East Village

Find a Healthy Meal on 149th, and I’ll Buy You Food for the Next Week

Crackhead: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not here to bug ya’ll, but I am here to ask you for some money. If you ain’t got money, I’ll take food.
Girl: You can have my lunch.
Crackhead: What you got there?
Girl: Steak, rice, and beans…
Crackhead: No, baby, I’m worried about my cholesterol!

–4 train at 149th

Posted on December 29, 2006
Food, Girls, Hobos

Hobos