Student: You’re Jewish?
Professor: Yes.
Student: Where’s your hat?
Professor: What?
Student: Why do you guys all wear glasses?
–FIT
Student: You’re Jewish?
Professor: Yes.
Student: Where’s your hat?
Professor: What?
Student: Why do you guys all wear glasses?
–FIT
Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!
–M1bus near Wall St
Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon
Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…
–91st & Broadway
Overheard by: Carol Elk
Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.
–47th & 9th
Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!
–8th St & Hudson
Overheard by: Laughing Goy
Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!
–20th & Park
Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…
–F train
Overheard by: LaLa
Hasidic man offering out a lulav: Are you a Jew? Are you a Jew?
Girl, running away: Yes, but I don’t want to!
–W 4th & Broadway
Worker #1: It should be really slow tonight, because it’s the holiday where all Jews can’t go out of their houses.
Worker #2: You mean, they can’t step outside at all?
Worker #1: Well, I don’t know if they have to stay in their actual houses, but wherever they are, it’s not here!
–Yom Kippur, Cosi restaurant
Bearded, earlocked rabbi jumping out of mitzvah mobile: You, you’re Jewish — come in and hear what we have to say.
Shiksa: I’m not Jewish.
Bearded, earlocked rabbi: Yes you are, I can tell. Your mother is Jewish.
Shiksa: No one in my family is Jewish.
Bearded, earlocked rabbi: Maybe no one in your family practices, but Jewish blood is strong, and I can tell you have it.
Shiksa: Leave me alone or I’ll throw bacon at you.
–5th Ave
Skinny blonde girl: So, was she Jewish?
20-something guy: No, she couldn’t have been. She was wearing pants.
–1st Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: I hate that I know this kid.
Ghetto girl: My boss makes us take off on Jewish holidays and don’t even pay us!
Ghetto friend: That’s messed up.
Ghetto girl: I know. I don’t celebrate no Yipper Kipper! I wanna say to him, ‘I ain’t Jewish, nigga.’
–L train
Overheard by: Caroline
Middle school girl #1: Jesus is Jewish!
Middle school boy: No, he isn’t.
Middle school girl #1: Yes, he is!
Middle school girl #2: Of course, he’s not Jewish anymore — he’s dead.
–Rego Park
Overheard by: josh
Girl: He was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘My Jewish Mother Gave Me Two Options: Law school or Medical school.’
Guy: I like that. I should make a shirt for my friend that says ‘My Irish Catholic Mother Gave Me Two Options: Marry the Asshole Who Knocked Me Up and Live a Life of Alcoholic Domestic Violence or Join the Sisters of Saint Ignatius.’ ‘Cause clearly she chose neither.
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: She said, ‘To hell with this religious bullshit,’ had an abortion, got her MBA, and is now a Junior VP at a Midtown PR firm.
Girl: Are you trying to say that religion is bullshit?
Guy, patting girl on head: No, sweetie. You go find yourself that guy wearing the Jewish mother t-shirt and you’ll be fine.
–R train
Jewish guy #1: See if you can buy that broken cookie for a good deal.
Jewish guy #1 and #2 at same time: Fifty cents, yeah!
Jewish guy #3: That’s why we run the world.
All three: Yeah!
–Starbucks, 60th & 1st Ave
Overheard by: jeremy
