Guy #1: I really think African Americans are bipolar. They all seem to have high self esteem, are hyperactive all the time, and are easily irritable.
Guy #2: Shut up nigga. You know I’m better than those cats.
Guy #1: And they can never hear themselves talking.
–F train
Conductor: Okay, okay…all you white people get off the train here. That’s right, hippies and hipsters. If you under thirty-five and white, you don’t want to stay on this train no mo’. The next stop will be the ghet-to!
–Flatbush-bound 2 express train at Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: chagrined hipster
A flight attendant on an Atlanta to NYC plane is attempting to communicate with two Israeli twentysomethings in broken Spanish.
Flight attendant to Israeli guy: Sir, por favor, sit down. If no sit, I will telephonar el capitan and he will have to turn off el engine. It will take una hora to get to the gate if that happens.
Guy: I don’t speak Spanish.
Flight attendant: What?
Guy: I don’t speak Spanish. Speak English!
Flight attendant: Fine. Sir, please take a seat. The fasten seatbelt sign is still lit. If you do not sit down, I will have to call el capitan.
–Landing strip
White guy: Excuse me, sir?
Black guy: What’s up papi?
White guy: I’m trying to get to 14th Street.
Black guy: You’re in the South Bronx papi.
White guy: Holy shit! How do I get the fuck out of here?
The black guy laughs and walks away.
–149th & 3rd
White girl #1: Look at that Asian girl! She’s such a whore!
White girl #2: Dude, there’s this Asian girl in my psychology course, she’s a whore, too.
An Asian girl: Excuse me? Um, what is your problem? What, do you think all Asians are whores?
A very long pause.
White girl #1: Yes.
–Madison Square Garden
10-year-old white boy: He thinks all dark people are Osama Bin Laden.
10-year-old brown boy: That is a disgrace to me. I’m not even Hindu, yo.
–24th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kelly
Girl #1: Yeah, so lately I’ve been really getting into African click songs.
Girl #2: Please don’t demonstrate.
–Grand Central Station, Dining Concourse
Young guy #1: So are you doing anything for Cinco de Mayo?
Young guy #2: Uh, I guess I’ll just go out like regular.
Young guy #1: Yeah, that’s cool.
Young guy #2: Actually, one of my friends knows a ton of Puerto Rican people, so that’ll be good.
Young guy #1: Um…yeah…
–6 train
Overheard by: Saltman
Italian #1: So my buddy Max was telling he how how he hooked up with this Puerto Rican chick the other night and it was…
Italian #2: And it was the best sex he ever had, right?
Italian #1: Man, you alway fuck up my stories by cutting in.
Italian #2: Fine, finish the story.
Italian #2: Fuck you, you already wrecked it!
–Union Square
Girl: I don’t look like an Eskimo, I have a tan.
Guy: I thought Eskimos were darker skinned.
Girl: [silence]
Guy: I thought Eskimos were darker. I think their skin is darker.
Girl: [silence]
Guy: I think they have darker skin.
Girl: [silence]
Guy: Anyway I think it’d be funny to see you in an igloo.
–2/3 train
