A man waves goodbye to two guys trying to help him with the subway map and departs the train.
Guy #1: Was he drunk?
Guy #2: No, he’s just Cuban.
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Javi
A man waves goodbye to two guys trying to help him with the subway map and departs the train.
Guy #1: Was he drunk?
Guy #2: No, he’s just Cuban.
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Javi
Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.
–Washington Square East
20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!
–N Train
Overheard by: TR
Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.
–39th & 9th
Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ems
Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!
–Bedford & Grove
Overheard by: How many is too many?
Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Jingles
Chick #1: You know what? Good sex just hides everything that is bad in a relationship.
Chick #2, high fiving #1: Oooh, amen, girl. Amen!
–Q train
NYU girl #1 (singing): “Jingle bells/Jingle bells…”
NYU girl #2: Would you stop singing Christmas music, you're Jewish! Sing “Dreidel, dreidel”!
NYU girl #1: Ewwww.. No, I hate that stupid Jew song!
–Q Train
Mom: We should call up doctor Katz* so he can check you up, figure out your measurements and percentiles.
Kid: I like it when I pee in the cup!
Mom: Oh, do you?
Kid (as they exit the train): Yeah. Do you like the cup mommy? Do you? Do you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RG
Gay guy: Where are we going?
Straight girl: Nowhere Bar. Have you been there before?
Gay guy: I don't think so. Oh no! Wait! Someone blew me there in college!
Straight girl: For the last effing time, I do not need to hear these things about my big brother!
–F Train
(crowded train at rush hour)
Polite woman: Can you move in, please?
Annoyed suit: Move in where? This guy’s in me.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Zhi Man Huang
Teen girl #1, looking at subway ad: Yo, that shit be following me everywhere!
Teen girl #2: The giraffe…?
Teen girl #1: That shit follows me everywhere.
Teen girl #2: That’s because it’s summertime.
Teen girl #1: Who wants to go to the Bronx Zoo?!
–A train
Overheard by: someone who wants to go to the Bronx Zoo
Headline by: Emily
Runners-Up:
· “And you thought the GUYS there were creepy…” – Em
· “Apparently, when nature calls, she hangs up the phone” – Elisabeth
· “Better Than Cats!” – Christin
· “Better that than the old guy touching himself in the corner” – Dan
· “I thought the subway always smelled like that” – Justin L
· “It’s all part of their plan” – Rich
· “It’s better than being stalked by the guy in ‘Bodies'” – Neill
· “Rehab’s a Bitch” – Playtah
· “Smarter than the average bear – but only slightly” – C J
· “Somewhere an Advertising Executive Just Wet His Pants” – jay
· “Subliminal Text Messaging” – Jill
· “The one place it won’t follow me!” – jnice
· “The pink elephants had the day off” – Roy
· “The zoo always has the best shit.” – Adam
· “They are SO voted off the Ark” – Emily
Son: Ya know, every time I go to a family reunion I discover a new family member I didn’t know existed.
Dad: Such as?
Son: Did you know about Grandma?
–4 train
Thug #1: Like when I was on the bus the other day and one of them sat down next to me and I looked up and was like oh shit, it’s a he-bitch. I had to get up ’cause I didn’t want him to touch me.
Thug #2: Yeah man, I feel you, I wouldn’t want no he-bitch sittin’ next to me either.
–Queens bound F train
