NYU girl: … So I, like, know that I got half of the questions right.
NYU guy: So, what about the other 20 percent?
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: ADC
NYU girl: … So I, like, know that I got half of the questions right.
NYU guy: So, what about the other 20 percent?
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: ADC
Middle-aged black dude #1: I wanted to take Shaquan for the weekend, and you know what that bitch told me? She said she was taking him to his grandmother’s house!
Middle-aged black dude #2: Man, what’s with that woman? She don’t let you see your kids!
Middle-aged black dude #1: His grandmother don’t need to see him. She’s too old to see, anyway! I ain’t seen Shaquan since Ju-ly! That’s fucked up. I should kill that bitch.
Old Asian lady walks through the train selling noisemakers and batteries.
Middle-aged black dude #1: And why is it when I’m selling bootleg DVDs in a primarily black neighborhood, all the police see is me? When I’m around all black people! But don’t nobody say nothin’ when this Asian chick sells this junk. Then I’m in jail and this bitch is selling. Then they tell me, ‘You can’t get out until you pay.’ How I’ma make money if I’m in jail, fool?
Middle-aged black dude #2: Heh heh heh. Right, right. But fo’ real, though, you should kill that bitch!
Middle-aged black dude #1: For real. I should. Shit’s fucked up. I don’t care about her pussy — I can get another pussy. ‘Scuse my language. No offense, ladies. I can get another bitch to fuck, but that’s my kid! I’ma kill that bitch. I’ma chop her up! I used to be a butcher, man. I’ma chop her up. Make bitch soup! And sell it to the homeless.
–A train
Overheard by: Melody SW
Dude #1: So, what’s the verdict with you two?
Girl: Verdict? Huh?
Dude #1: You know — what’s the verdict?
Dude #2: He wants to know what’s up between you and me.
Girl: Oh. Verdict. That’s an awfully big word.
–Flatbush-bound 2 train
Overheard by: Sonia
Two moms enter with two sleepy 12-year-old girls and a 14-year-old boy.
Mom #1 to boy: Hey! Do that dance! Do your dance and ask everyone for money! Come on, get some change! [Boy sits next to a reading girl and leans on her.] Don’t you want money? Ask that girl for some money! Oh, hey, did I tell you the best thing about prison? They let you smoke up in there.
Girl #1: Weed?
Mom #2: The trick is getting friendly with the guards. You can’t just do it any time you want.
Mom #1: That’s right, because you gotta get a job in prison. I got three jobs. Hey! What’s that girl got? What’s she got? Hey, find out what’s she got!
Boy: Book! Hey. Book!
Mom #1: Book! Haha! You know what you need, son, is pussy. White pussy. White pussy that knows how to read. She’ll take care of you so you can do your business.
Old man enters train, looks at seat next to girls: Can I sit here?
Girl #2: Uh, no.
Mom #2: Move your fucking ass, you lazy fucking piece of shit! No manners — my kids got no manners.
–F train from Queens to Brooklyn
Overheard by: Reading girl
College guy: Cannibal fetus appendix fucker!
Thug: Who are you callin’ a can– What the fuck was it you said?
–R train
Frustrated boyfriend: Stop acting stupid!
Frantic girlfriend: I’m not acting!
–A train
Overheard by: SarahJ
Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There’s a C first. We’re at Canal Street.
–6 train
Man #1: What, you don’t like kids?
Man #2: Dude, I make it policy to never hang out with anyone under 20.
Man #1: Why?
Man #2: Teenagers are dangerous savages and anyone younger than that is just loud and expensive.
–V train, 53rd & Lex
Bimbette #1: My school doesn’t give out our grades ’til three days after the semester.
Bimbette #2: Wow! My school sucks. We have to wait 72 hours.
–Manhattan-bound N train from Brooklyn
Overheard by: Steve
Youth #1: Man, I’m just jokin’.
Youth #2: Yeah, but every joke has some truth in it.
Youth #1: Where’d you hear that? Who said it?
Youth #2: I don’t know… Confucius.
Youth #1: Confucius didn’t say that! Confucius didn’t make jokes! He was a serious dude!
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: jb
