Ghetto girl: So, what are you doing Saturday?
Ghetto guy #1: I’ve got probation.
Ghetto girl: What? Man, you gay! When? 3:30?
Ghetto guy #1: Three.
Ghetto girl: … Thirty?
Ghetto guy #1: No, three.
Ghetto girl: … Thirty?
Ghetto guy #2: So, she was a virgin?
Ghetto guy #1: Yeah!
–6 train
Hipster chick: [Whispering]… Vagina. [Whispering]… Vagina. [Whispering]… Haha, vagina!
Six people collectively: Shut up!
Four-year-old boy: Mom, what’s a vagina?
Mom: It’s a word that only fucking inconsiderate people say around four-year-olds.
Four-year-old: Mom, what’s ‘fucking’?
–A train
Overheard by: Alex Gherardi aka Booger
Girl #1: Have you ever had a ‘sandy eggo’?
Girl #2: Ummm… What’s that?
Girl #1: Just guess from the name!
Girl #2: Uh… A whale’s vagina?
–1 train
Girl #1: Ugh, my mom.
Girl #2: What about her?
Girl #1: She’s like, ‘Can you get me a beer?’
Girl #2: Yeah?
Girl #1: And I’m like, ‘You mean a case?’ And she says, ‘I don’t drink a case.’ And I’m all, ‘You mean, you could drink more?’
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah… And thank god she’s fixed, otherwise I’d have, like, 18 brothers and sisters running around.
–6 train from 23rd St
Overheard by: Mark
Drunk blonde: My roommate is so fat, every day I’m like, ‘Put down the fuckin’ twinkie, fatass.’
Suit: Uh-huh.
Drunk blonde: And then she just rolls over.
Suit: Yeah, I have the same problem with my wife.
–L train
Chick #1: So, who would you rather blow — your mom or your dad?
Chick #2: Well, my mom kinda looks like me, and I think that’s hot, when it’s two girls who kinda look like each other.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Girl #1: Hey, remember that time you got laser hair removal for your lip?
Girl #2: Stacy! Stop talking, there are people around!
Girl #1: Oh, right, as though you will ever see any of these people again.
Random guy: Actually, I’m in her Computer Science class.
–6 train
Chick #1 grabbing a pole on crowded subway: Ew! This pole is wet!
Chick #2: Huh?
Male stranger: Yeah, I just finished licking it.
–N train
Overheard by: Pamela
Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.
Victim suit: Whoa, whoa — what’re you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you’re trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Guy: You know Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, right?
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Well, you called it a country.
Puerto Rican girl: I’ve just got pride like that.
Guy: What, pride about being American?
–F train
Overheard by: Alison
