Wall Street guy #1: I haven’t seen that guy with the toupee on the train since I said something.
Wall Street guy #2: Do you think he heard you?
Wall Street guy #1: Maybe. Maybe he committed suicide.
–Uptown 4 train
Wall Street guy #1: I haven’t seen that guy with the toupee on the train since I said something.
Wall Street guy #2: Do you think he heard you?
Wall Street guy #1: Maybe. Maybe he committed suicide.
–Uptown 4 train
Girlfriend: Out in LA they’re into that whole fake boobs/Ann Taylor thing.
Boyfriend: I love Ann Taylor.
Girlfriend: Of course you do. That fits into your preppy short girl fetish, which I’m not.
–Brooklyn-bound D train
Old black man: Damn son, you ain’t gonna live to be my age if you keep goin’ around callin’ people assholes.
Young punk: Shut the fuck up, old man, I don’t have to listen to you! I’m emancipated!
–S train
British tourist guy: Come on, think, how many hours have spent together sober?
British touris girl: Two and a half.
British tourist guy: Now, how many hours have we spent together stoned?
British tourist girl: Two and a half … thousand!
–Q train
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Recording: This is Brooklyn Bridge…
Girl #1: This don’t look like Brooklyn Bridge
Girl# 2: I know, maybe they’re doing renovations or something.
Lady suit: We’re still in the tunnel.
–downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Madison Parks
Amiable but very intoxicated hobo: I don’t believe this, how long you been a seargent?
World’s weariest transit copy: Eight years Miquel, you drunken jackass.
–Port Authority
Very fat guy: I’ve gained about 20 pounds since the last time you saw me.
Skinny guy: Yeah, I’d like to talk to you about that. When we’re not on the subway, though, okay?
–2 train
Conductor: For local service, switch to the D Train. Yes, for local service, take the D. I know many of you don’t believe me, but I know you know in your hearts that I am right. And if you glance to your right, you’ll see there is a D train on the next platform. Excellent.
–B train
Do-gooder: Excuse me, you’re not allowed to smoke in here.
Stoner lady: My bad, you want some?
Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out.
Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy.
–1 train
Teen girl #1: Hey, can I borrow your Nirvana CD to burn? My iPod erased my mp3s.
Teen girl #2: I wish I had it! I like, traded it away for a pack of cigarettes.
Teen girl #1: Woah… that’s so, Kurt Cobain of you!
Teen girl #2: Hello. Totally why I did it.
–6 train
