Do-gooder: Excuse me, you’re not allowed to smoke in here.
Stoner lady: My bad, you want some?
Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out.
Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy.
–1 train
Do-gooder: Excuse me, you’re not allowed to smoke in here.
Stoner lady: My bad, you want some?
Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out.
Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy.
–1 train
Teen girl #1: Hey, can I borrow your Nirvana CD to burn? My iPod erased my mp3s.
Teen girl #2: I wish I had it! I like, traded it away for a pack of cigarettes.
Teen girl #1: Woah… that’s so, Kurt Cobain of you!
Teen girl #2: Hello. Totally why I did it.
–6 train
Coach lecturing a mesmerized group of prefrosh: I am able to diagnose psychological issues very accurately because I used to suffer from them myself. So, for example, your typical goth girl will have below-average self-esteem. Girls who dance with their hands above their heads or who are obsessed about their purses date a lot and also suffer from low self-esteem.
–Downtown 1 train, 86th Street
Overheard by: Daniel
Girl #1: I wish I was anorexic.
Girl #2: I’m going to punch you so that your head ricochets against that door.
–F train
Overheard by: Gena Radcliffe
Woman: I find the suburbs to be extremely frightening. I know they all have air conditioning, but still…
–6 train
Twentysomething guy: The quality of life here is so bad…I mean, if you enjoy drinking all night and having random sex, you’ll like living in New York.
–5th Ave & 9th St
Very old homeless woman to sleeping homeless man: You don’t even know how good looking you are!
–28th & 3rd
Overheard by: juju
Little boy: I want your DNA.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Helen V.
Ghetto teen: If Jesus was with you, he’d smack you over the head and call you a dick!
–A train
Overheard by: Josh Jasper
Girl to friends: Do either of you have a really nice picture of Jesus? I need to make an ashtray.
–7th & A
Overheard by: Ty!
Guy: I mean, why spend my money to put up bail when she’s just going to wind up doing time anyway?
–B train
Overheard by: Dianora
Chick on cell: The thing is, he doesn’t freeze meat. Yeah, it’s an issue.
–22nd & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Conductor #1: Uh, Jack?
Conductor #2: Yeah Joe.
Conductor #1: We need to stop.
Conductor #2: Stop? What do you mean stop?! We’re in the middle of a tunnel!
Conductor #1: A door just opened.
Conductor #2: What the…..
–N train
Overheard by: melissa
Conductor on PA: And remember, it’s Fleet Week in the city and you’ll be seein’ lots of our service men and women in the streets. Be sure to express your appreciation and genuine gratitude for their service.
Young suit #1: For their services!
Young suit #2 Uhhhh, no; for their service. [points to scantily-clad girl with heavy makeup and fishnets] You’d thank her for her services.
–Manhattan-bound 2 train
