Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Stripper chick: I don’t know, there was a detective that used to hang out with us in the club, maybe I could call him. He used to drive me home and shit.
Queer: Um, is he trustworthy?
Stripper chick: Well, actually he’s pretty shady, but whatever.
Queer: Actually, that’s probably better.
Stripper chick: You know, it probably is!
–A train
A white girl listening to her iPod snaps to attention, horrified, as the conducter announces the stop at 135th Street.
White girl: Oh my God! Where am I?
–2 train
Overheard by: emilie
Hobo #1: The probability is not in their favor, it’s not going to work out for them…it’s over, they’re not gonna make it. Look at that, look at him, sense it.
Hobo #2: Sense what? You don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the hell up.
Hobo #1: I never knew what I was talking about, and people still used to listen.
Hobo #2: You were always an ass.
Hobo #1: That’s why you’re rich!
–N train
Overheard by: k
Chick: I swear to god, I don’t know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: brynn
Man on cell: Hey, baby. It’s sure hot out today…you better get out those hot pants…I mean hot shorts…your pussy must be burning up.
–56th & Broadway
Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn!
–7th & Perry
Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina?
–Camel, W. 33rd Street
Overheard by: Dave Min
Man: We’re going to have a tampon fondue!
–Duane Reade, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: molina1230
Teen boy: Yo, I’m here selling candy today. And, no, it’s not what you think. It’s not for no school club or no fundraiser. I’m here selling you candy so that I can stay off the streets and make some money. It keeps me honest.
Woman: Why wouldn’t you lie and say it was for school?
–A train
Overheard by: Keith Layton
Chick #1: He has to know.
Chick #2: Well I am human.
Chick #1: He can’t expect that you won’t. I mean, if you move in together. Come on.
Chick #2: I’ve been taking these things call Senna Tabs.
Chick #1: Are they good?
Chick #2: They’re awesome.
Chick #1: I’ve been having the worst time of it
Chick #2: Here, I’ve got some with me. Try one
Chick #1: It won’t work immediately right? I’ve got some shopping to do.
–F train
Overheard by: Dave Chambers
Girl #1: So I mean, he’s upset about her cheating on him, like crying and shit? Has he talked to her about this? That’s really shitty of her.
Girl #2: You do know they’re not having sex, right?
Girl #1: …How much non-sex are we talking?
–N train
Hobo: Excuse me everyone, but can you spare some money for something to eat? I am very, very hungry.
Guy: Yo, today is Fried Chicken Friday, want some?
Hobo: Yeah, yeah I do!
–4 train
Overheard by: k.go
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is more than one door on this train. In fact there are 30 of them. Please feel free to use the other 29.
–1 train
Overheard by: Traveler Bill
Conductor: Canal Street next after this brief musical interlude.
–R train
Overheard by: Mark
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re stuck at this station because I have to get permission from Queensboro before we can leave and they’re not answering the phone. I think they all went home to get some sleep.
–N train
Overheard by: SP
Conductor: You have to get on the train when the doors are open. Thank you!
–MetroNorth train
Overheard by: alyssa
Man: Passengers, do not keep quiet if you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney. If you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney attempt to get them impeached. This has been a MTA announcement.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Attention passengers, there is a train directly behind this one…ten degrees cooler.
–6 train
Conductor: This is Borough Hall, home of Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz, also known as Mr. Brooklyn. On behalf of your borough president, and your conductor, welcome to Brooklyn: a nice place to visit, a great place to live!
–F train
