15-year-old girl #1 tapping cigarette box: I totally think that these make me look classy. A person with a box of cigarettes just looks classy.
15-year-old girl #2, giggling: Yeah, I don’t know what he’s talking about. Cigarettes look way better in a mouth than a penis.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Stereotype or caricature
Student #1: I was riding the six train home and I felt something on my arm. I looked over and this guy was rubbing his penis on my arm! [Class gasps in horror.]Student #2: Well, was he cute?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Never riding the 6 train again
Chick #1: A guy’s penis size is directly proportional to how much you like them.
Chick #2: So true! When I really liked Josh I said it was kind of small. Now that I’m over him it’s practically a vagina.
–Starbucks, Morningside Heights
Mother, scolding: And this is the same little boy who took out his penis in a nice restaurant.
Little boy: It was a wonderful restaurant!
–Garfield Pl, Park Slope
Overheard by: ruckerbry
Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Boyfriend about loud passing motorcycle: You know, guys who clean their pipes like that have small genitalia.
Girlfriend: Well… I’m not so sure about that.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Bob who likes to walk
Outdoorsy woman: I raise horses on our farm in Kentucky.
Guy: Yeah? I saw this program on the Discovery Channel about artificially inseminating horses.
Outdoorsy woman: We do it the natural way.
Guy: Why do they do artificial insemination?
Outdoorsy woman: So that the stallion doesn’t have to travel. Also, you can inseminate numerous mares with one ejaculation.
Guy: I saw this guy stick his arm all the way up into the mare to inseminate her.
Outdoorsy woman: How did you like the size of the cock on the stallion?
Guy: Are you kidding? I want a transplant.
Waitress: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?
–Outback Steak House
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl #1: She’s, like, totally forgotten that there are different kinds of penis.
Girl #2: I know, it’s like she thinks there’s just one penis.
–115th & Broadway
Rider #1: Damn, this bike seat is uncomfortable.
Rider #2: Damn, that VS model is hot.
Rider #1: Shit, my yoddle feels like it’s skewered like a lamb chop.
Rider #2: I wonder if she’ll agree to be my next wife…
–42nd & 6th
Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo’ dick right now.
–Dense crowd, 4th & 6th
Overheard by: jealous?
Guy to friends: I’m not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.
–26th & 8th
Large black man: I’m grabbin’ booties, so all y’all better move outta my way!
–37th & 7th
Overheard by: daniel
Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an’ call me Mary Poppins…
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Mitorizu
Dude: My ass likes to eat things.
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hew, the bird
Suit: Now there’s an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!
–Time Square
Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don’t show your butts to men — cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.
–6 train
Overheard by: Zavreio
