Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Boyfriend about loud passing motorcycle: You know, guys who clean their pipes like that have small genitalia.
Girlfriend: Well… I’m not so sure about that.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Bob who likes to walk
Outdoorsy woman: I raise horses on our farm in Kentucky.
Guy: Yeah? I saw this program on the Discovery Channel about artificially inseminating horses.
Outdoorsy woman: We do it the natural way.
Guy: Why do they do artificial insemination?
Outdoorsy woman: So that the stallion doesn’t have to travel. Also, you can inseminate numerous mares with one ejaculation.
Guy: I saw this guy stick his arm all the way up into the mare to inseminate her.
Outdoorsy woman: How did you like the size of the cock on the stallion?
Guy: Are you kidding? I want a transplant.
Waitress: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?
–Outback Steak House
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl #1: She’s, like, totally forgotten that there are different kinds of penis.
Girl #2: I know, it’s like she thinks there’s just one penis.
–115th & Broadway
Rider #1: Damn, this bike seat is uncomfortable.
Rider #2: Damn, that VS model is hot.
Rider #1: Shit, my yoddle feels like it’s skewered like a lamb chop.
Rider #2: I wonder if she’ll agree to be my next wife…
–42nd & 6th
Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo’ dick right now.
–Dense crowd, 4th & 6th
Overheard by: jealous?
Guy to friends: I’m not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.
–26th & 8th
Large black man: I’m grabbin’ booties, so all y’all better move outta my way!
–37th & 7th
Overheard by: daniel
Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an’ call me Mary Poppins…
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Mitorizu
Dude: My ass likes to eat things.
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hew, the bird
Suit: Now there’s an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!
–Time Square
Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don’t show your butts to men — cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.
–6 train
Overheard by: Zavreio
Homely hipster girl: So, we went to that panties party on Saturday night…
Cute hipster girl: And?!
Homely hipster girl: I went home with Adam.
Cute hipster girl: Oooh, how was it?
Homely hipster girl: Ummm, it was okay, except he’s like, not circumcised. He’s European or Jewish or something. So, like, I didn’t know what to do.
Cute hipster girl: Weird. That’s like when women have pubes. It’s, like, gross. Who has pubes on their vag anymore?
Homely hipster girl: Girl pubes are really ’80s. But not, like, in a cute way.
–Dressing room, Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Drunk 30-ish woman #1, leaning on friend: Isn’t it amazing how small men’s dicks get when they’re… you know… down?
Drunk 30-ish woman #2: It’s more amazing how small some men’s dicks are when they’re actually up.
–1 train platform
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Very gay man: I have to go buy some Crisco — I have a date tonight.
Straight guy: I don’t understand how you can not be interested in a nice set of tits and a wet vagina.
Very gay man: I don’t understand how you can not be interested in a big throbbing cock!
Straight guy: Because I already have one.
Very gay man: Let me see!
Straight guy: No!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
