Teen boy #1: Would you do Jane?
Teen boy #2: Well, she’s pretty hot… Got nice tits and all, but don’t you consider diabetes a turn-off?
Teen boy #1: Yeah, dude, totally.

–Metro-North, 125th St stop

Overheard by: Ek CrIsp

Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: JD

Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!

–Uptown 6 train

Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O

· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Teen guy on cell: Yeah, we should catch a movie. I gotta wash my balls first, though… No, that’s fine. We can go to a party, but I gotta wash my balls.

–Manhattan bound N train

Overheard by: Caryn
Headline by: Dustin

· “‘Cuz When I Party, I Go Balls Out!” – MYRock
· “…Just in Case There’s a Sack Race” – Rob
· “Can You Assist Me With the Blow Drying Process?” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “Cleanliness Is Next to the Perineum” – brazos
· “Fratboy Etiquette, in a Nutshell” – Hellespont
· “He Started Playing Billiards Just For the Double Entendres.” – j
· “How to Spot a Dedicated Golfer” – TJ
· “I Hate to Tell Him, But Crabs Isn’t Something You Can Just Wash Off…” – J.B.
· “In Case It’s a Boston Teabag Party” – slappy
· “OCDeez Nuts” – Courtney
· “Or Get a Dog and Some Peanut Butter” – Corydon

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wish I Knew His Sister

Girl: You’re like McDonald’s: over one billion served!
Guy: So what does that make you: an extra value meal?

–7th & B

Guy #1: You dated her? Didn’t she used to have herpes?
Guy #2: “Used to”? Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
Guy #3: Herpes is the poor man’s AIDS.

–Brother Jimmy’s, 2nd Avenue

Guy #1: So how was your Rosh Hashanah?
Guy #2: I got a blowjob at a movie theater. Since I was watching Flightplan does that count as mile high?

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: dan levin

Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m wearing ahhh…a football jersey and Speedos.

–Houston & Allen

Overheard by: M!J