Politics

Wednesday One-Liners Are Out Shaking Hands and Kissing Babies

Woman examining broken window on her mini-van: This is bullshit! It’s freakin’ Democrats!

–24th, between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Michael C.

Chick: Play lacrosse and have gang-bangs with chicks — that’s what Republicans do.

–44th & 5th

Little girl: Is George Bush a Republican or a Dominican?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Carrie

Fat, sweaty guy: Excuse me, people! Sweaty liberal coming through! [Crowd parts.]

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: kiran

40-something tourist to her daughter: All the homeless may be Democrats, but not all Democrats are homeless.

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: not yet anyway

The Little Red Book of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP on cell: I mean, the one thing I hate more than communism is arts and crafts!

–NYU

Historical guru: Then she married a guy who was a communist gunman from Berlin, and a pretty good art scholar, by the way…

–Utopia Diner, W 72nd St

Overheard by: LADY V

Teacher, in Elmer Fudd voice: Be very, very quiet… We’re doing something communist.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Is Your Husband This Straight Guy?

Queer #1: I kind of like Barack Obama. He’s cute.
Queer #2: If I didn’t have a husband, I would be so far up Barack Obama’s ass that if anyone pulled me out they would become King of England.

–115th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Nathan

Stepford Wife Technology Can’t Arrive Soon Enough for Me

Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy

Just Not in Any Recent Incarnation

Clerk: What’s that symbol on your shirt?
Chick: It says ‘Nepal.’
Clerk: What’s Nepal?
Chick: It’s where the Dalai Lama lives.
Clerk: What’s the Dalai Lama? Is that an animal?
Chick: Yeah, it’s like a Yeti.
Clerk: Oh.

–Pelham Pkwy

Overheard by: raginggoatboy

We’d All Go Back, but Who Wants Us?

Nanny: You don’t want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think… They think… They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.

–Immigration march, 14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Tall Guy, Blue Jacket with Red and White Striped Trousers…?

Black guy: Yo, you gotta know Uncle Sam, man. I mean, you pay your taxes, right?
Indian clerk: No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

–Deli, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: hoch

Couldn’t We Have Just One Meal in Peace?

Hobo #1: Hillary is gay and Bill is a lesbian! She straps on a big one and gives it to him right in the ass! … Are you listening to me?
Hobo #2: Yeah. You said Hillary has a big one…

–Deli, 23rd & Lex

A Burnt Offering of Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I don’t remember why he put the phone in the oven… I think it was to prove a point. And my mom didn’t know, so she turned the oven on and then the phone caught on fire.

–NYU trolley

Panhandler: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not trying to get drugs. I’m not trying to buy alcohol. I’m just trying to survive. It’s a hard life out there trying to sleep, and people always trying to set you on fire.

–F train

Guy with Jamaican accent: Women be causin’ the men to be committin’ adultery. Women be causin’ the men to be lustin’ after the butt. Women need to put their butt back into their pants. Women, you need to cover your butt, or it will be covered in fire.

–4 train

Overheard by: The Cannon

NYU politics professor: … So if you want to stay warm out there, you’re free to burn the flag.

–Silver Center, NYU

Guy sprinting to JAP on cell: Ma’am! You’re on fire! [Guy grabs her Vera Bradley purse, on fire from her cigarette, and throws it savagely to the ground.] I’m sorry, but I had to do that. [JAP stares blankly at him and continues cell conversation.]

–Bobst Library, NYU

Overheard by: J-Steve

An Old-School Reagan Republican

Tight jeans #1: It’s like the only way to be a punk these days is to be a Republican.
Tight jeans #2: I know.

–2nd Ave, between 7th & 8th St

Overheard by: Tim

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