All We Need Is a Wednesday One-Liner in the White House

Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.

–Staten Island Ferry snack bar

Overheard by: Stephanie

Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?

–Super Bowl Parade

Overheard by: No idea

Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.

–F train

Overheard by: Terrorized

Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.

–1 train, Grand Central

Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?

–52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: NCS

Posted on March 26, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Black People, Default, Drunks, Gender issues, Government, Grand Central, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Thugs, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on March 12, 2008
Artists, Brooklyn, Cancer, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa

Posted on March 12, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Washington Square Park, West Village

Think about It — What Are the Odds?

Activist girl: Sir, ma’am, do you have one minute to help the Democratic party?
Chipper passerby chick: No, but I have your shirt!
Activist girl, unimpressed: Awesome.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on February 25, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Politics, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compliments, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penn Station, Politics, President, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

About As Much Chance As Any Other Non-White Candidate

Man #1: Yo, I heard Osama may run for President in 2008. That’s crazy, man. If he comes out the cave, they will get him for sure.
Man #2: I think it’s Obama who may run — Senator Obama.
Man #1: Oh. I still think Osama would have a chance.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on February 4, 2008
Idiots, Names, Politics, Union Square and East Village

You Know, I’ve Never Seen the Two of Them in the Same Room…

Girl #1: She’s a neo-con Barbie doll! She’s worse than Ann Coulter.
Girl #2: Not possible.
Girl #1: No, really.
Girl #2: So she’s Dick Cheney with boobs?

–Mercer & Grand

Posted on January 5, 2008
Girls, Insults, Politics, Soho

So His Puppetmasters Would Have Us Believe

Asian chick #1: Don’t the Democrats want war?
Asian chick #2: Ummm… What?!
Asian chick #1: Oh… Wait… George Bush is a Republican?!

–Queens College

Overheard by: Sharon Sloan

Posted on December 14, 2007
Asians, Politics, Queens College

Someone’s Been Listening to the President’s Speeches

Middle-aged woman: What’s with the ‘Make cupcakes, not war’ shirt?
30-something guy: I have a friend who is an activist.
Middle-aged woman: Yikes, that’s scary.
30-something guy: I hear you. Democracy works so much better when people don’t get involved.

–Times Square