Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on March 12, 2008
Artists, Brooklyn, Cancer, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa

Posted on March 12, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Washington Square Park, West Village

Think about It — What Are the Odds?

Activist girl: Sir, ma’am, do you have one minute to help the Democratic party?
Chipper passerby chick: No, but I have your shirt!
Activist girl, unimpressed: Awesome.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on February 25, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Politics, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compliments, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penn Station, Politics, President, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

About As Much Chance As Any Other Non-White Candidate

Man #1: Yo, I heard Osama may run for President in 2008. That’s crazy, man. If he comes out the cave, they will get him for sure.
Man #2: I think it’s Obama who may run — Senator Obama.
Man #1: Oh. I still think Osama would have a chance.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on February 4, 2008
Idiots, Names, Politics, Union Square and East Village

You Know, I’ve Never Seen the Two of Them in the Same Room…

Girl #1: She’s a neo-con Barbie doll! She’s worse than Ann Coulter.
Girl #2: Not possible.
Girl #1: No, really.
Girl #2: So she’s Dick Cheney with boobs?

–Mercer & Grand

Posted on January 5, 2008
Girls, Insults, Politics, Soho

So His Puppetmasters Would Have Us Believe

Asian chick #1: Don’t the Democrats want war?
Asian chick #2: Ummm… What?!
Asian chick #1: Oh… Wait… George Bush is a Republican?!

–Queens College

Overheard by: Sharon Sloan

Posted on December 14, 2007
Asians, Politics, Queens College

Someone’s Been Listening to the President’s Speeches

Middle-aged woman: What’s with the ‘Make cupcakes, not war’ shirt?
30-something guy: I have a friend who is an activist.
Middle-aged woman: Yikes, that’s scary.
30-something guy: I hear you. Democracy works so much better when people don’t get involved.

–Times Square

Posted on December 4, 2007
Friends, Politics, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Are Out Shaking Hands and Kissing Babies

Woman examining broken window on her mini-van: This is bullshit! It’s freakin’ Democrats!

–24th, between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Michael C.

Chick: Play lacrosse and have gang-bangs with chicks — that’s what Republicans do.

–44th & 5th

Little girl: Is George Bush a Republican or a Dominican?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Carrie

Fat, sweaty guy: Excuse me, people! Sweaty liberal coming through! [Crowd parts.]

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: kiran

40-something tourist to her daughter: All the homeless may be Democrats, but not all Democrats are homeless.

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: not yet anyway

Posted on October 31, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Politics, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Little Red Book of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP on cell: I mean, the one thing I hate more than communism is arts and crafts!

–NYU

Historical guru: Then she married a guy who was a communist gunman from Berlin, and a pretty good art scholar, by the way…

–Utopia Diner, W 72nd St

Overheard by: LADY V

Teacher, in Elmer Fudd voice: Be very, very quiet… We’re doing something communist.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Politics, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Politics