Porn

Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.

–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Norma Desmond

Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?

–Brooklyn Law School

Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh

Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Erum

Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…

–NYU

English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Girl with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a moment for gay rights?
College guy, not stopping: I love lesbian porn!

–116 & Broadway

Queer: I want to have sex with a girl.
Girl, laughing: Any particular girl? Or just any girl?
Queer: Any girl. I’ve been watching a lot of straight porn and it seems interesting.

–NYU

Guy #1: Dude, if you google “bunny porn” it will probably show up.
Guy #2: Good call.

–NYU’s Hayden Hall

Wannabe thug paging through a Playboy, to another: Yo, check that shit out! Those are seven hundred bucks a pair. They got diamonds and crystals and shit in them!

–A train, W 4th St

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not gonna lie to you — I’m broke, homeless, and I really wanna see Big Momma’s House 2. Please spare some change.

–F train

Overheard by: benny

20-ish chick: Why is Jason Bateman in a movie called Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? This ruins all of my fantasies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Diner: Yo, ‘hyena’ — I know how that’s spelled. H-Y-H-E-E-N-A. High-heena! I know that shit. I saw The Lion King.

–IHOP, Staten Island

Overheard by: explosivo

Ghetto white girl: She never even saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s until I lent it to her… Tryin’ to act like that’s her shit…

–B train

Young Socrates: Yo, son, Saw II is the ill philosophic reference.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: fival went east

Flight attendant: Attention, passengers, please turn your attention to channel 30. Caddyshack is on!

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Erica: I quickly went to channel thirty

Dude #1: Yeah, man, all we need to find now is one more hot chick who’s willing to do all that, and our porno is set!
Dude #2: For sure, man.

–Central Park

Poli-sci professor: How can someone directly counteract the message of porn? What is the counter speech alternative?
Student: Seventh Heaven?

–NYU

Overheard by: Rajsingh Rules

Chick on cell: Oh my god, I cried so much… Yeah, I’m going to go home and watch it again. Then I’m going to write ocean porn with my friend. When are you getting home?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bernard

Hipster: To sunshine, rainbows and gay porn!

–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park

Dude to chick: … So she put the CD in the computer, and as Windows Media Player starts popping up, I remember I had been jerking it to lesbian porn about a half hour before that…

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: P. Mills

Hipster chick on cell: … In Barnes and Noble’s. Yeah, we’ll be here for a while. I’m reading porn in the Science Fiction section… Yes, the Science Fiction section! So?

–Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl

Drunk guy: Yeah, so all these straight women are totally into this gay Japanese porn. You know, uh, what’s it called? Yahweh?

–Ceol Irish Pub, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Columbia student #1: So, Matt, you watched gay porn for three hours?!
Columbia student #2: What? It was for a project!

–117th & Broadway