Guy #1, as younger guy walks by in very long dress shirt and shorts: Is he wearing pants?
Guy #2: I certainly hope not!
–54th & 9th
Guy #1, as younger guy walks by in very long dress shirt and shorts: Is he wearing pants?
Guy #2: I certainly hope not!
–54th & 9th
Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.
–87th St & 3rd Ave
20-something gorgeous gay man wearing tiara: He wouldn't tell me where he was, so then I said “let me smell ya dick!”
20-something drop-dead hot girl: Something's rotten in Denmark.
–Bleecker & W 4th
Guy #1: He knew he was gay!
Guy #2: He didn't know he was. He couldn't accept it.
Guy #1: Well, he accepted enough to suck a dick!
–24th & 7th
Skinny hipster gay boy #1: If I get too drunk I just stick my finger down my throat and force myself to vomit.
Skinny hipster gay boy #2: Yeah, I would do that… But at this point I have absolutely no gag reflex anymore.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Justin
Small white chick: I'm so horny. All I can think is, “penis penis penis penis.”
Large black gay friend: I know how you feel. That's me, constantly.
Small white chick: Well, it's also me. So I guess we're in the same boat. The same penis-shaped boat.
Large black gay friend: Big, hard, black penis-shaped boat.
Small white chick: That's us. We're in that boat.
Large black gay friend: Is it a motorboat?!
Small white chick: Yes! Of course!
Large black gay friend: Yay!
Small white chick: It is a penis-boat, after all.
Large black gay friend: We're soooo horny… It's kinda gross.
–23rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Penisboat
Gay guy: Day drinking today was so good.
Female friend: Yeah, I love day drinking.
Gay guy: I want to make day drinking into a job.
Passerby, walking the opposite way: Hey, me too!
(all high five, then proceed onwards)
–14th St & Ave A
Pretty, straight girl: Ohmigod, this is delicious! Try it!
Gay guy at bar: Ohmigod, I hope I don't give you herpes!
Pretty, straight girl: I'll be so mad if you give me herpes.
–Alta Restaurant
Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.
–Frying Pan Bar
Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.
–NYU
Overheard by: Leslie
Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: The Trooper
Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.
–Park Ave & 29th St
Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!
–123rd St & Manhattan Ave
Really hot, butch Asian gay guy: It really just depends on the guy… I mean, I suppose versatility interests me. (looks away suspiciously, downs drink)
Really hot, butch white gay guy: Definitely. Versatility is key. I mean, I don't think I could ever date a total top. You're not a total top, are you?
Really hot, butch Asian gay guy: Not anymore.
–Bar, 51st & 9th
